* When I was a kid I thought dykes were hot. Now that I have seem many of them, they could not be further from hot.
I remember one evening trying to share my experience, strength and hope with a young actress in need when I got blocked by a bull dyke. I was never trained to deflect the onrush of the bull dyke. Fearsome creatures!
* I have a weird rip in my shirt and when the shiksa points it out, I just say, “It’s a Jewish thing.”
* Is there anything weird that Orthodox Jews do during sex or is it just normal sex? Does it have to be completely dark? (Asking for a Reform friend.)
Chaim Amalek: “They do it through a hole in the bedroom wall. Man inserts his penis, woman on other side then must do the work. Numerous establishments in NY cater to them in this.”
Steven Rosenberg: “I’m still waiting for the posts that make me want to become more observant.”
Chaim Amalek Have you ever felt the joy of your rebbe’s smile? Once you have felt that inside you, there can be no other life for you.
Steven Rosenberg Rabbis smile?!
Chaim Amalek Inside, beneath their holy beards, yes. Also, if you were more observant, you would know what to do in the event your neighbor’s cow falls into a hole that you have dug on your property.
* Potential employers tell me I’m like a hot hooker — they want me but they can’t afford me.
* My therapist says I am very quick to kick people out of my life. I walk around with my finger on the button.
* Friend: “I figured out why you haven’t gotten married. Wasn’t too hard to figure out. You don’t want to marry a whore or a reformed whore. And those are usually the women who are interested in you. This is why you haven’t married anyone. You’re waiting for a pure woman.”
* Women have a certain amount of Action Jackson in them and most seem to use it up by age 28. I think they all get a limit, and once that is reached, they’re done. They’ve lost interest. Can’t be bothered. Sayanora.
* Do Muslims have not enough power in American media, just the right amount or too much? For how long will a tiny number of imams out of Mecca decide what appears in our movies and TV? Is it OK if I invite Allah to this FB discussion? Inshallah.
* I love it when people cry at my 12 step meetings, and most of the time, I haven’t even done anything. Crying relaxes me.
* “Paying for it is for goyim.” (Stew Sheen)
