Joe* emails: Dear Mr. Ford:
I recently saw your segment on Netflix’s, After The Porn Ends. I was impressed by your knowledge and understanding of the porn industry. I am currently going through my own education in porn, albeit unwillingly. I was living with a woman who’s porn name is…. She got into web camming when I met her and was making a good living working part time from our home. Unfortunately this was not enough for her. She wanted to move to LA and become a “famous” porn star. She got addicted to the social media attention and a bunch of, for a lack of a better word, perverts telling her all they could do for her.
There was no reason for her to work at all. I asked her to give up the porn and in return we got engaged. We could have had a wonderful life, traveling the world and enjoying all that life has to offer. Unfortunately soon after giving up the porn she went into a deep depression. I took her to counseling through which I found out she was raped and abused at a very young age and the porn was her way of dealing with the abuse. In some convoluted way, reliving the abuse in porn was her way of dealing with it. After several months of trying we drifted further and further apart. We broke up a few months ago and she immediately moved to LA. She is now living [porn] 24/7 and is surrounded by nothing but porn people. I can see what she is doing through her web cam and social media. I am very worried for her health, safety and well being.
I am writing to you in the hopes that you may have some advice about helping her get her life turned around before it’s too late. I’m afraid she is going down a bad road and one which she might not recover from. I realize that she is the one that needs to want help. If there is any advice or suggestions you have for me I would greatly appreciate it.
LUKE: I would recommend you cut your losses. She won’t seek help until she hits rock bottom. Unfortunately, the consequences of her choices are forever. There’s no way to erase your porn past.
That you fell in love with such a woman reveals some painful things about yourself that you might learn about in therapy. You might look into a 12-step program for sex and love addiction, or perhaps Al-Anon or CODA.
This guy fell in love with a sex addict. You might identify with his pain.
