LA Orthodoxy Is Weird

From my live cam chat:

Josh:  LA orthodoxy exists in a bubble, you guys are so weird.
Josh:  In NY, orthodox converts tend to be super-fanatic, whereas you behave like a FFB (frum from birth)
Josh:  luke, dude, i’m ffb.  i dont wear my yarmulkah to work, i dabble in the finer things on occassion (sex, drugs, etc.), but…
Josh:  i keep that s**t private for the most part
Josh:  i like porn, but i dont broadcast it to the world
Josh:  my cousin was dating an orthodox guy from LA, and he worked as an agent for porn stars
Josh:  i find that a bit absurd
Josh:  that wont happen here NY
Josh:  i wont say his name, but he happens to be a descendant of a great jewish mystic, supposedly
Josh:  here we’re all doctors, lawyers, or bankers…well not bankers anymore, they’re all out of work
Josh:  we may screw around in private on occasion, but we try to publicly sanctify G-d’s name by behaving appropriately
Josh:  everyone here at my office knows i’m orthodox, so i feel it’s my duty to behave a certain way publicy as to not tarnish our rep
Josh:  but you guys friggin rep porn stars!
Josh:  it’s a chillul hashem!
Josh:  you’re a smart dude, and i’ve read your rationale and justification for what you do/did on your blog, and i get it
Josh:  but how is it that you convert and not go off the deep end like other converts / baal teshuvahs
Josh:  it’s like you’ve been frum from birth
YourMoralLeader:  I was raised v. religious, only it was SDA so I am a bit blase about religion
Josh:  SDA?
YourMoralLeader:  Seventh-Day Adventist, i am a preacher’s kid
Josh:  sda’s have the longest life-expectancy of any faith
YourMoralLeader:  yeah, it is a cool religion, just dumb as rocks
Josh:  you shouldnt have converted
YourMoralLeader:  why not?
Josh:  you’re taking years off your life
YourMoralLeader:  ahhhhhhhh
YourMoralLeader:  jews live long too
YourMoralLeader:  if they keep the mitzvot
Josh:  i guess you are a fanatic
YourMoralLeader:  lol
YourMoralLeader:  just testing you
Josh:  my father-in law is a baal teshuvah fanatic, and he’s always talking torah at the shabbat dinner table
YourMoralLeader:  is he learned ?
Josh:  and i’m like, "dude, can’t we talk sports or business?"
Josh:  he tries, hes a good man
Josh:  but he’s got that glaze in his eyes when he talks torah, kinda like he’s been brainwashed
Josh:  but he’s probably more learned than i am, i’m a ramaz graduate
YourMoralLeader:  i doubt it
YourMoralLeader:  can he open a chumash and parse the hebrew?
Josh:  he tries
YourMoralLeader:  too hard
Josh:  he’s dedicated, he’s got the passion, the zeal
Josh:  that’s what FFBs lack
Josh:  we’re like you, blase
Josh:  i envy converts and baal teshuvahs because of this
Josh:  but if i were a goy and were doing some soul-searching, i would most definitely not choose judaism as my spiritual path
Josh:  it’s so unhip
Josh:  i would definitiely rock the kafiyeh and go Muslim
Josh:  that’s a friggin hip religion
ChaimAmalek:  Monica? Emma?
ChaimAmalek:  Back in the old days, there would be all manner of women in a luke ford chat room.  ALL MANNER
YourMoralLeader:  oy
YourMoralLeader:  josh is cool
YourMoralLeader:  i will see monica tonight
ChaimAmalek:  I don’t care about cool
ChaimAmalek:  under what pretext?
YourMoralLeader:  lecture by ehud havazelet
ChaimAmalek:  Is she Jewish or just a sympathizer and fellow traveler?
ChaimAmalek:  You know, like Obama around the communists
YourMoralLeader:  i want an ethiopian wife, white just wont do for me anymore
ChaimAmalek:  I see you going Abo
ChaimAmalek:  Abo is the new black
ChaimAmalek:  Today is a black day for white men
ChaimAmalek:  Once you have had an Abo woman blow your diggereedoo, no other woman will do
ChaimAmalek:  have you heard this latest fad amongst the youngermen of african american culture in NY?  It is to walk around in public with one’s pants two third the way down one’s boxer shorts
ChaimAmalek:  I don’t get it.  I mean, even by Negro standards this is bizarre
ChaimAmalek:  What will they think of next?
ChaimAmalek:  Reading books?
ChaimAmalek:  nahhhh
YourMoralLeader:  I fear them
ChaimAmalek:  You are a racist
ChaimAmalek:  You need to make some black friends
RolfHarrisburg:  So, Chaim, how will life change with the new president?
ChaimAmalek:  What about that rotund black blogger chick you knew back in the day?
ChaimAmalek:  Mine sucked under Bush II, so ef the Republicans
ChaimAmalek:  I never got any bonus points for being pale
ChaimAmalek:  or for being a Jew
ChaimAmalek:  I’m going black.
ChaimAmalek:  I’m certainly swarthy enough to pass as a half breed
ChaimAmalek:  And I’m going to hook up with some black chick from Craigslist and see where that takes me
Josh:  persian?
ChaimAmalek:  No, just dusky looking
ChaimAmalek:  I look like a caricature out of Der Sturmer
ChaimAmalek:  short, swarthy, hairy palms, lots of ermine like hair on my back
Josh:  you must be really popular with the ladies
ChaimAmalek:  All I gots to do is spend more time in the sun and I will be able to pass for half black.
ChaimAmalek:  If I were running a movie studio I’d be popular
ChaimAmalek:  My family is dusky
ChaimAmalek:  Dark, hooded eyes and complexions
ChaimAmalek:  gypsies, I think
ChaimAmalek:  But the negresses of craigslist are so damn picky
ChaimAmalek:  They want their white man to have lots of money
ChaimAmalek:  like we all have it.  Negro please
ChaimAmalek:  Luke and I are fortunate in that our lives cannot be too adversely impacted by Obama, so long as his reign does not lead to or end in marauding negroes in LA or mushroom clouds over new york
ChaimAmalek:  Luke, do you know any neocons?  Do they have them in LA?  They are all in hiding in NY/Washington
ChaimAmalek:  Luke, do you think McCain would have done materially better if he’d picked Romney to be his running mate?  I do.
ChaimAmalek:  Romney had the cash and the mormon zeal to press any advantage
ChaimAmalek:  McCain, and I’m sorry to say this since I’m fast approaching him in years, was just too old
ChaimAmalek:  I mean it would’ve helped him among white people
Josh:  my friends, it’s all min-hashamayim
ChaimAmalek:  Whites still went for McCain, for what that was worth
welshdragon:  I’M FROM UK AND CAN SEE THat from here!!
ChaimAmalek:  But there are not enough of us left here
ChaimAmalek:  Because women like MONICA are squandering the most fertile years of their lives getting an education that nobody but themselves cares about
ChaimAmalek:  It is a kind of self-genocide that has been going on for 30 years
ChaimAmalek:  MONICA, we need you to procreate, not to waste time talking about Levinas

Josh:  haredi jews will be the face of judaism 100 years from now
Melchiades:  What’s this about?
ChaimAmalek:  Unless their inbreeding destroys them first
Melchiades:  seems pretty extremist
ChaimAmalek:  Looking to the future, MONICA MUST BREED
ChaimAmalek:  Ditto Emma, with a strapping young Shamus
Melchiades:  wow this is messed up
Melchiades:  more please
YourMoralLeader:  how would i be treated on the Upper West Side?
Melchiades:  that dude on the cam has a nice beard
YourMoralLeader:  Would I get respect or dissed?
Melchiades:  pedo-look
ChaimAmalek:  Like a Prince amongst the secular Jews
Melchiades:  pedo-beard + pedo-laugh = one succesful cam
ChaimAmalek:  96% of the black vote went for Obama, and I think around 54% of the White vote went for McCain, but young whites went for Obama in a big way

ChaimAmalek:  Luke you might clean up in New York.  You could support yourself here the way Mark Twain did, by conducting lectures on porn and torah
ChaimAmalek:  What the hell is he laughing at?
ChaimAmalek:  I don’t see why you stay in LA, living in your gutter home
welshdragon:  i’d vote for luke on the basis he can pull teenagers from europe-lmfao!!
ChaimAmalek:  he has not proven that yet

Josh:  luke, on another note, how do you reconcile your religious beliefs with your new-found friendship with Marc Gafni
ChaimAmalek:  You know, I don’t think he is laughing at anything here, just at some internal dialogue that only he can hear
YourMoralLeader:  josh, it’s just a dialogue, i do that with all sorts of people
Josh:  Gafni scares me
Josh:  i watched parts of your dialogue with him and he has a tremendous charisma which is frightening
ChaimAmalek:  I would rather watch Monica
ChaimAmalek:  What a fine shiksa!  Luke sure can pick ’em
ChaimAmalek:  I think I like her even better than Holly
Josh:  you may talk to lots of people, but your body language indicates sympathy for the fellow
ChaimAmalek:  I’m seeing lots more interracial personal ads on craigslist
Josh:  luke, the reason why i am saying this (and please don’t misundersatnd what i am trying to get across), is that, as a convert to judaism, you are more susceptible to the seduction of such a character
YourMoralLeader:  i am much more likely to be seduced by women
ChaimAmalek:  He’s right.  As for me, I am susceptible to the seduction of Emma.  I’d convert for her
ChaimAmalek:  Mighty is the young shiksa’s pheromones
YourMoralLeader:  josh, i hung out in the porn world for 12 yrs, i don’t get seduced
Josh:  mental, emotional, and religious seduction is far fiercer than sexual seduction
ChaimAmalek:  What about that 50 year old chick you banged 15 years ago?
YourMoralLeader:  a mere moment of weakness
YourMoralLeader:  investigative journalism
YourMoralLeader:  participatory journalism

About Luke Ford

I've written five books (see My work has been noted in the New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, and 60 Minutes. I teach Alexander Technique in Beverly Hills (
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