I was asked in a job interview for my greatest strength. I was stumped because there are so many. To you, what is my greatest strength? (I said, “Listening.”)
Chaim Amalek: “I would say that it is using my blog to take vengeance on those who have wronged me.”
* When a driver stopped to allow me to pass this morning, I smiled and waved my hand identically to the way my father does in this situation.
* My therapist says my 12-step work over the past two months has made some major changes for me in my confidence, decisiveness, etc.
* I am being attacked for “thinking everything is funny.”
* I like excitement. I couldn’t bear to live in the country now that I’ve seen the big city.
* I love the sound of Mexican leafblowers in the morning.
* I love it when my therapist wears a miniskirt and spends our whole session crossing her legs and tugging it down.
* I love it when women post provocative photos of themselves accompanied by their spiritual musings. It reminds me of when Lexington Steele previews his movies with quotes from Martin Luther King.
* Do I strike you as a “roll up his sleeves and get things done” bloke?
* Friend: “Here is how it should have gone for you: Wife No. 1: Holly Randal. 3 kids. Wife No. 2: Heidi Peterson, 4 kids. Wife No. 3: Jenna Jameson, no kids. Wife No. 4: some messed up bais yakov girl, 10 kids.”
* I ran into an old Jewish friend. He says he now works as a “fixer.”
* When you move from one 12-step program to another, the credits don’t transfer. Recovery with alcohol or sex does not translate to sobriety with money.
* Friend: When Mexicans are a majority in Texas and change the character of that whole state, will that be imperialism?
* A friend: Why is it that everyone agrees it was “imperialism” when white people moved to South Africa but when Arabs move to the West it’s diversity?
* Have you had any success turning your life over to God? Have you been able to give up your fears? Let go and let God? Are you able to stop obsessing about outcomes? Have you been able to surrender your need to believe you can control people and places and things? Have you been able to turn your worries and concerns over to God? I’m working my Third Step.
* I asked a girl with a bit of color, “Have you gotten much affirmative action?” I am sure there are worse pick-up lines.
* Friend: “The day you convert back to Christianity will be a Jewish holiday.”
* I told a bloke today I like my women as I like my coffee — light, sweet and milky. He said, “That’s racist. Why not women dark and strong?”
* I was told a horrifying story today and I burst out laughing and was reprimanded.
“That’s my learned grief response,” I argued.
* We want to avoid conflict with an enemy that has proven formidable when provoked too far.
* Friend: “My wife won’t let me drink diet sodas.”
Luke: “Haven’t the Jews suffered enough?”
Friend: “Yeah, now that you’ve joined.”
* Friend: “I don’t know why you even ask me about my weekend. I start telling you and you’re staring out the window at girls walking by.”
* RamzPaul asked his Jewish step-dad if Jews celebrate Thanksgiving.
Step-dad: “No. Jews celebrate ‘Thanks’ not Thanksgiving.”
