A hot Jewish chick tells me: The strangest thing just happened to me. So I’m at this coffee shop. This really good looking well dressed guy sits next to me and he starts talking to me. I ask what he’s reading and he’s reading david hume. We start talking and we have all these things in common. He studies classics at this elite university and he’s into Roger Scruton. One kicker — HES A MUSLIM FROM IRAN! Why do these things always happen to me?
Luke: You’re a weirdo magnet!
HJC: He asked me out on a date. We’re going on a date…but I can’t MARRY AN IRANIAN MUSLIM.
HJC: “So I’m going to go on a date with that Muslim. I probably shouldn’t bring up race or IQ or skull size right?”
Luke: Of course you should, sort it out right away.
* I don’t care about stupid opinions. I only care about facts and logic I have not previously considered.
* Luke: “Holy moly! She was born in 1991.”
Friend: “You like that low mileage. So new the seat still smells good.”
* My Orthodox friendly female friend says: “I’m wearing pants for the first time in 3 months because I’m going to pick up my motorcycle and of course I see a woman from chabad. It’s just my luck.”
* Asking for a friend: Do nice girls on Tinder tell you right off that you’re handsome, give you their SMS, and then send you a private cam invite? I don’t want to marry a hooker.
Chaim Amalek writes: “Hookers tend to come with lots of stds, mental illness, and every time you take one out in public as your girlfriend there is the heightened chance of humiliation when she runs into an old client.”
* Is it normal on Tinder to have submit your CC information to chat with the girl?
* If I had known dating would get so grim in my 40s, I would have settled down in my 20s.
* Damn! Every girl who pretends to like me on Tinder turns out to be a hooker.
* Report Calls Forced Schooling of Native Canadian Children ‘Cultural Genocide’
Luke: And how would their lives have been without this? Would they have lived longer or better? Were they taken from an earthly paradise?
* When my Mexican friend comes by, I like to flash our gang signs and intone, “Bloods for life! Kill all the Crips! Peace out holmes!”
* Ex Machina: It’s a reactionary movie about female manipulation so they have to use robots.
* So what do you say when you run into a woman from the past and she says, “Do you think I’ve gained any weight?” And you can see the gain everywhere — face, profile, waist, etc.
* I notice a lot of women don’t own a scale and when I try to drag them on one, they accuse me of being unromantic.
* Richard tells the kid on the HBO show Silicon Valley: “Here in Palo Alto, we don’t enjoy all the freedoms you have in China, such as to smoke all day.”
* A girl asks me: “Why is everyone mentally ill? It feels like I meet more people who are mentally ill than people who are not.” Possible answer: The Gene Bomb
* Friend: “Do you agree the Boston bomber should die?”
Luke: “Yes! There’s a long list of people I’d like to see dead.”
Friend: “Make a list! But leave me off.”
* Many Koreans have this notion that if you don’t clean your plate, in the next life, you’ll have to eat all of your leftovers.
* Gents, it is not OK to tell the waitress, “Please lean over so I can see your boobs.” The customer is not always right.
* “AA is not a bridge to a new life. It’s a tunnel to a new program.” (AA)
* In AA, you lock the tiger in the closet. In OA, you have to take the tiger out for a walk three times a day. In DA, you have to walk with the tiger 24/7.
* I walked around UCLA Sunday for old time’s sake. I wanted to hug the Bruin Bear but a long line of Asians beat me to it.
* Upon request, the rav held a class for married men on whether or not **** *** is permitted. (It is but not to completion.) The host of the shiur put up a sign, “Please enter through the back.”
