* Luke: “How was your weekend?”
Mexican Friend: “I went to a wedding.”
Luke: “Did you have mariachi singers?”
Mexican: “It was a white wedding.”
Luke: “Boring! A bunch of cold aloof people, right?”
* A friend says: “I saw you with a Siddur this morning. Dovening is like making a collect call to your dad.”
* Video: Most of us want other people to love us to fill the deep ache we have because we don’t like ourselves.
* Video: “For less mature people, so much effort goes into seeking love and approval that there is little energy left for self-determined goal-directed activity.”
* “Love is a choice to give, not a dream fantasy to be fulfilled. Spouses are not ATM love machines.”
* Be what you want to receive.
* Be a universalist by all means, but be a Jew/German/Australian/nationalist etc first.
* I notice racial thinking comes naturally to Persians. They love me! They love me in the way you love a cute dog that’s not your responsibility. Plus their women like to show off cleavage. Curves and Torah would make a mighty combination at keeping yidden on the derech. Curves and Torah beat beards and brachos.
* “In America, soccer is the sport favored by lesbians, socialists, and various dusky foreigners who refuse to assimilate themselves to our dying culture. I want to see the bachurim of the gedolei Yisraeli gather in a stadium to see who can memorize the most pages of gemara (the talmud). The winner wins a stipend to learn more torah. Torah is our sport.” (Chaim Amalek)
* My Uncle Val would always tell us, “Keep your mouth shut and your bowels open.” A commie, he never followed his own advice and kept getting fired and falling out with people. So unlike myself.
* Agriculture and mining only account for 2% of California’s economy but use 80% of our water. That’s nuts.
* Where were you when you heard that Richie Benaud had moved on to the great wicket in sky? All out for 84, bat under his arm, walked up to the Pearly Gates.
* Chaim Amalek writes: “When Moshiach comes, droves of goyim will foolishly try to ‘convert’ to Judaism, thinking it as easy as sneaking over America’s border with Mexico with only a Republican Bush standing guard. But they will soon discover that conversion is more like sneaking past Israel’s fence with Sinai looking like an African.”
* When somebody hurts my feelings, it usually takes me 24 hours to get over it. I rarely hold on to my burn much longer than that.
* “Who has inflicted this upon us? Who has made us Jews different from all other people? Who has allowed us to suffer so terribly up till now? It is God that has made us as we are, but it will be God, too, who will raise us up again. If we bear all this suffering and if there are still Jews left, when it is over, then Jews, instead of being doomed, will be held up as an example. Who knows, it might even be our religion from which the world and all peoples learn good, and for that reason and that reason alone do we have to suffer now. We can never become just Netherlanders, or just English, or representatives of any country for that matter; we will always remain Jews, but we want to, too.” (Anne Frank)
* “Jews exhibit an all-too common human failing: They actually do not want to understand their past — or at least those aspects of their past that have to do with the hatred directed at them, since understanding may threaten other elements of their complex and often contradictory identities.” (Esau’s Tears)
* My twin goals for America are simple, pure and true: To establish America as a unified people’s community and to assure living space for the future needs of the American people.
* “A fifty year old man is like a fifty year old homosexual in this respect. Neither one is hot to have sex with a fifty year old woman, and the reason in each case is basic biology. It is just how we are, gay or straight. And just as a progressive woman (or man) would never think to criticize a 50 year old gay man for not being hot for 50 year old women, so too should she not criticize 50 year old straight men for not being hot for 50 year old women. I know, there are always exceptions, but this is how life is for the vast majority of us. And I should think that such a convergence would be a cause of cheer for champions of gay rights.” (Chaim Amalek)
* Conversations become more shallow the more people in them. They get watered down to the lowest common denominator.
* I take these magnesium supplements at night to help me sleep and if I go over a gram, they detonate eight hours later like a nuclear explosion. Be safe out there folks.
