Am I Going To Nail Them Soon?

No. The Torah forbids me and they are both taken. My interest in them is purely intellectual. You secular people will never understand such wholesome friendship.

From a Torah perspective, sex is holy. One does not nail one’s wife, nor does one pork her, nor bang her, nor give her the ol in-out. Nor is there any of that "bang boom" so callously glorified in that movie "You Don’t Mess With The Zohan."

Joe: "Did you fulfill the mitzvah of peru u’revu from this parsha?"

No. Oy. I’ve failed again.

On the positive side, I’m auditioning for ZZ Top.

PicoRob:  Luke, did you know that Bill Maher is Jewish?
PicoRob:  He has a Jewish mother, and thus is forever welcome in all the temples that you have been kicked out of.
guest11:  But he was raised Catholic
PicoRob:  True, but according to Jewish ritual law, he is Jewish.
PicoRob:  Besides, his family left Catholicism years ago.
PicoRob:  (All this from his film "Religulous")
guest11:  I saw the movie, it sucked, like he does
PicoRob:  It had its moments.
PicoRob:  But then he picked a soft target
PicoRob:  Especially here….it is safer and easier to ridicule the religious than to challenge the Obamite

About Luke Ford

I've written five books (see My work has been covered in the New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, and on 60 Minutes. I teach Alexander Technique in Beverly Hills (
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