Would I Have Made A Good Spy?

Watching the TV show, The Americans, which many critics regard as the best show on now, I put myself in the place of the protagonists, the Russian spies. Pretty much everything I watch I put myself in the place of the protagonist. Perhaps that is a symptom of narcissism?

As a narcissist, I find it easy to identify with the spies who use everybody to get their group needs. They have little conscience about using and disposing of people.

As a narcissist, I have to confess that I have often acted the same way. In much of my love life, it’s been all about how can I meet my needs with insufficient regard for the well-being of my partners. As a reporter, I preferred to deal with industries I had contempt for because then I didn’t worry about the welfare of the people I was writing about. I could see them more as sources of information and objects for writing.

My experiences, however, as opposed to the theory I just laid out, were messy. I felt myself developing way too much empathy for comfort at times and had to force it down deep to write what I thought was important but hurtful.

It’s a relief for some of us to have a transcendent cause to dedicate ourselves to because then we can worry less about those we trample in our pursuit of righteousness.

There’s something that gets twisted when you grow up those first few years without a mother’s love.

About Luke Ford

I've written five books (see Amazon.com). My work has been followed by the New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, and 60 Minutes. I teach Alexander Technique in Beverly Hills (Alexander90210.com).
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