So this is how one relationship ended for me. We had been going out for a year, broken up half a dozen times. She was ten years younger and an Eight. We had finished dinner. She had eaten only a small portion of her dessert and wanted it boxed up. I tried and failed to waive down a waiter so I decided we should bail because the movie Big Fish was about to start and I didn’t want to be late. So anyway, I ended up going home that night and she ended up blogging the incident (without my name) and I ended up replying on the thread of outrage and then she got embarrassed and deleted her post and that was January 2004 and I would go on to date that year a 21 year old retired actress, Haley, and a 24yo libertarian economist who had never heard of Air Supply. As I ask around, blokes tell me that they would all wait for the bird to get her dessert boxed up because they would operate with the end in mind. Oh, my main unforgivable failing with this sheila was that I did not want to drive 20 miles with soup and crackers to her when she had the flu because there was a party I wanted to go to that night. Also, I did not like having to pay for parking right next to events so that she could wear heels. I prefer to park for free a mile away and walk. Oh, once I left her in my van and went to talk to my friends and she wasn’t strong enough to open the door by herself. Yeah, and I may have made fun of her for not knowing who Joseph Stalin was. She said I was really sweet on the first date when we met for coffee and then I bought her lunch and we drove up the coast and we walked on beach barefoot holding hands and then we ended up snogging on the rocks and she said she’d never snogged that fast before.
She was only one-fourth, or one-eighth Jewish anyway, and did not want to convert. Surprising considering how devoted I was to her.
