What Would I Possibly Talk About With A Hot 19yo?

This girl on Tinder lied to me. Her profile says “24” but she’s only 19. What would we have in common?

Mark: “Plenty if she was a white supremacist, too. That’s a subject people don’t get wiser about with age. Doesn’t require a BA, either.”

Chaim Amalek: “Women are not for talking.”

“Tinder is a young man’s (and a young woman’s) game. Or at least that’s what the media would have you think. In fact, it is a waste of time for all sensible people. I believe that more relevantly (i.e., you will be asked to participate), the easy sex, drugs, and orgies of tomorrow will be held in America’s nursing homes, where aging boomers and gen-Xers will go to be cared for by angry Third World peoples full of triumphalism over having won the war.”

“Hashem wanted you to have procreative sex with many women from your previous life. That’s why he put them before you, that you might save them through sex and motherhood resulting from said sex. Fifty Shades of Grey is just goyishe nareshkeit that Yidden need not think about, ever, unless they can sell some related merchandise to the goyim and use that money to send their Jewish kids to yeshiva to learn talmud.”

“I never said Luke should have sex like a maniac. Luke is no maniac. Rather, I said Luke should have had sex like a man (e.g., a Mexican, or a Muslim), that is to say, without a condom or apologies, and with the long range purpose of procreating no matter the short term cost to his penis in terms of temporary painful lesions or the like. (I am not saying that would have happened, just noting the one reason often given for wearing condoms that also prevent procreation.) God set before Luke many women with whom he could have chosen one or two or three beautiful young women with whom to be fruitful and multiply, but Luke instead chose to blog. But Torah wants Jews to multiply, not to blog. Let’s get real here. I write these words with a heavy heart, not to hurt, but in the hope that someone fertile from Luke’s old life will present herself to him to follow God’s commandments.”

“Luke knows (or at least he knew) many women. There for the picking. This is not a matter for rabbis to resolve, nor can they. Instead, his best options are on the fringes of society, if he would but be bold enough to exercise them.”

Christoph Donnellan: “Or if she’s a Jewish Supremacist, you could talk to her about the glories of ‘Tiikun Olam’ and how Jews are a special ‘holy people’ who can never do any wrong.”

Damon: “As the saying goes, the first liar doesn’t have a chance. So go ahead and fight fire with fire – tell her you’re a world famous blogger/author and that you make lots of money.”

Nobody has offered me cocaine nor a threesome yet via Tinder. I fear that I’m doing it wrong.

About Luke Ford

I've written five books (see Amazon.com). My work has been followed by the New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, and 60 Minutes. I teach Alexander Technique in Beverly Hills (Alexander90210.com).
This entry was posted in Dating. Bookmark the permalink.