After years and years of therapy, I’m finding my self-talk moving away a little from wondering why other people act the way they do to why do I react the way I do.
For instance, instead of worrying quite so much why somebody ignores me, I now wonder more often why do I need so-and-so to buck me up? Why do I feel driven to getting a response from this person? Why do I feel the need to make attention getting jokes?
When I dread checking phone messages from a person, I ask myself why. When did I feel this way before? Who does this person remind me of? What unprocessed emotional issues do I need to look at? What are my unresolved layers of shame, rage and guilt?
Why does this person trigger me? Why do I care what he thinks of me? Why do I need to react to him?
When I feel lonely or sad or mad or horny, I have more tools these days to orient myself in a healthy direction. I can meditate or read something uplifting or go for a walk or talk to a friend or go to shul or write a blog post or scribble in my journal.
