You Are Your Record

You are what your record says you are and who you are in love and marriage is who you really are because that’s where you are most vulnerable. Love and marriage exposes your weaknesses.

“If you are miserably married, that’s about you,” said therapist Mark E. Smith Dec. 22, 2013. “It’s about who you picked and why you picked them. It’s just your turn to pay the marital piper. You are re-enacting old wounds from your family of origin. So do not make it all about my spouse had an affair, my spouse is an alcoholic, my spouse works too much, my wife won’t clean the house. Your life is about you and this record of marital dysfunction, it’s telling you that you need to address some things within yourself. Don’t be Jerry Jones. Don’t blame everyone else and miss the real problem. The real problem in your life is you and the real problem with the Dallas Cowboys is [the owner] Jerry Jones. If you have burned through three marriages, that is truly all about you. You need to get to work on yourself immediately and you need to completely suspend yourself from all dating and you need to kick yourself off because you’re dangerous… Your dysfunction is what gives you your record.

“So don’t say it’s bad luck and don’t say you haven’t found the right person. There is no right person out there for you to find that’s going to heal your family of origin stuff without you doing the work. You have got to do the work and the best way to do that is to stay in the marriage you’re in and roll up your sleaves and get to work. If you have an addiction that’s ravaged your life, it’s because there’s a ravenous neediness and pain at the core of your soul and you’re seeking to medicate it. You have a problem. Don’t minimize it.”

About Luke Ford

I've written five books (see My work has been covered in the New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, and on 60 Minutes. I teach Alexander Technique in Beverly Hills (
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