My therapist noticed I had not done my homework — writing up a list of where I felt that my father had failed me and reading it to myself every day and noticing what comes up for me emotionally. She also noticed that I try to disengage from the topic of dad and to talk about anything else. I’m particularly gun shy of discussing my feelings about my father.
My therapist says that if I heal my relationship with my father and stop living in rebellion and rage, it will transform my life.
A big way my father showed love in my home was by cooking delicious savory treats almost every night (and sweet rice and oats for breakfast)!
My therapist says that if I organize my solo show, I will find it easier to emotionally connect to the words I’m saying because I won’t be casting around in my head for what comes next (which happened to me last night). By a generous estimate, I emotionally connected to my words about 30% of the time last night.
When I toss and turn at night, unable to sleep and consumed by worry, I try turning my life over to God and letting Him be the director. When that doesn’t work, I turn my life over to Netflix.