* A man first needs to ask, “Where do I want to go?” before he asks, “Who do I want to take with me?” (David DeAngelo)
* Heard today: “Baalei teshuvos (newcomers to Orthodox Judaism) have pure souls but STDs.” All those years in college trying to find spirituality by sleeping with as many exotic women as possible.
* Got set up with a woman who I just found out thru Google was born in 1958.
* Over Rosh Hashanah, I got in touch with a whole bunch of resentments I need to work through, take responsibility for where necessary, and release everything else to God (the Fourth Step of Twelve Steps).
* I don’t believe in yom tov sheni (extra day of the Jewish holiday in the diaspora) but observe it anyway because I choose to live as an Orthodox Jew. I don’t get much out of davening but did many hours of it anyway over Rosh Hashanah (and had moments of spiritual highs). There are all sorts of things I’m doing I don’t like much… Tony Robbins says if your relationship is hard work it’s because you’re with the wrong person. I don’t think that applies to religion and many other worthy pursuits.
* Because of 12-step work, I’ve developed a sensitive antennae for my resentments and I work hard on writing them out, noticing what specifically I resent and how it threatened me (my well-being, my social prestige, my self-esteem, my finances, dating, etc), and seeing what part I played in the turmoil. Then I have to give up my resentment and fear to God or I’ll go back to using people to meet my addictive emotional needs. I also pick up clearly these days when others are filled with resentment and if they’re not interested in getting help, I do my best to stay away.
* I’m writing out things I never thought I’d overcome and did:
* Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS)
* My conversion to Orthodox Judaism
* Becoming a teacher of the Alexander Technique
* Sex and love addiction, codependent relationships
How did I do it? I had clear goals and kept them even when for years I did not appear to be making any progress (such as my conversion which took more than a decade). I developed my relationships, shared my goals, enlisted others in my projects, and gratefully accepted their help. In the conversion case, however, I asked for no help.
I kept trying things for my health. I had eight years of psycho-therapy. My will is corrupt. My self-talk is often delusional. My sense of reality is warped. My common sense is often minimal. So I need an objective third-party to report to once a week on my progress towards my goals.
Therapy guided me to 12-step programs.
