I have a friend who has many of the same demons that have plagued me.
His girlfriend notices that when he devotes himself to pleasing her, he loses his excitement.
He notices that sex with his girlfriend tends to distance them, because when he engages in it, he does it through the prism of his eroticized rage.
Over the past few years, I’ve devoted myself to leading a more chaste life. One of the benefits of this that I notice is that I no longer store up eroticized rage scenarios as I no longer have use for them. I used to go through the day collecting little stories that I’d feed myself with later in the evening about what a powerful man I am and how the women — in my dreams — cater to me.
If you have eroticized rage (anger that is sexualized), it is going to get expressed in a way that damages you and those around you even if you hold yourself to the strictest ethical standards. It will come out in your jokes and in your conversations (with yourself and with others).