Levi was a mighty blogger before the Lord. He thought he was the bomb because he’d been on 60 Minutes.
One evening in shul, he noticed that his prayer got no respect from the Almighty, while the davening of the rest of his shul reached the pearly gates.
Levi was very wroth. The Lord said to Levi, why is thy countenance fallen? If thou does well, shalt thou not be accepted? And if thou doest not well, sin lieth at the door.
So Levi rose up and he blogged those who bugged and their bloods screamed forth unto the Lord.
God said unto Levi, you are cursed. You shall be a fugitive and a vagabond.
Levi said, but everyone who Googles me will slay me.
And so the Lord set a mark upon Levi, lest any finding him should kill him.
On Shabbos morning, Levi waited in his lair until the sun was high and then he walked to the river, the river he hadn’t crossed in eleven years. He left his blog at home.
As he entered the path to the river, a mighty man loomed up in front of him. “You’re not welcome here,” said the man.
The man was a giant and Levi felt like a grasshopper next to him but inside was a good land flowing with milk and honey.
“Yes, I am welcome,” said Levi. “I have the Mark of Levi. You can’t slay me. I’m very welcome.”
Levi had always hated gatekeepers. He didn’t want to recognize their necessary function. Their purpose was to test him. He wasn’t strong enough much of the time to go up against them and prove himself worthy. Today however he summoned his inner resources and said the Lord of the River wanted him there.
After a five minute wait, an awkward wait, his friends passed by and expected him to join them on the road to the river, but he waited for the decision, his fate was in others’ hands, he hated that, at least on his blog, he ruled, but now he was vulnerable and anxious.
Then he got permission to path and he carried on to the river. “A company of nations shall come from me, kings will emerge from my loins,” he muttered to build up his strength.
It did no good. Levi was greatly distressed, so he divided his personalities in two. One was strong and tough and would blog anyone. The other was humble and gentle.
At the river’s edge, Levi wrestled all day with a man. And when the man saw that he could not prevail against Levi, he touched the hollow of Levi’s thigh, and gave him a limp.
And so it was with a limp that this Alexander Technique teacher walked on to his next river late in the afternoon. He had to hear some Torah but that required crossing another stream he hadn’t touched in eleven years.
Walking in, he heard an attractive woman say to a group of men, “Is that the guy…” And then he was out of earshot, sheltering his nerves in the bathroom. He had no more strength for the fight.
On the way out, he merged with the crowd and sat in the back.
Afterward, he saw an acquaintance from the days he used to swim this creek daily. “Are you OK?” he was asked repeatedly. “Is everything all right with you? I still read you regularly. You never cease to amaze.”
He limped away, wanting to go home, not ready for more of this social bliss, but there was a familiar stream just across the street, he’d swam there many a day and never had trouble, and he knew that just after mincha, there’d be an awesome shalosh sheudos.
