I notice that many psycho-therapists give their patients assignments of writing out their feelings and frustrations in long letters to their parents. Did your dad wound you when you were eight with a withering comment at the dinner table? Write him a letter about it. Did your mom emasculate you at age six when she took away your toy gun? Write her a letter about it.
One Gentile couple I know were absolutely devastated when they received such a letter from their son. This was not the way we generally did things in my WASP (White Anglo-Saxon Protestant) upbringing. We learned not to complain and we kept a stiff upper lip. Therapy was for troubled souls. And you definitely did not write long letters to your parents describing your frustrations with them.
I’ve never written such a letter to my parents and I can’t conceive of doing so. My parents did the best they could and I had far better parents than they did.
The price of not dealing with your own stuff with your parents is that you will take it out on others. Your relationship with your father will shape your work and financial life and your relationship with your mother will shape your relationships.
