I Live In Fantasy

With the exception of my best friend, the Lakewood Rav, my favorite poster in Torah Talks over the past two years has been “Garden Fun.”

From her sensitive perceptive remarks and thoughtful little gifts, I could tell she was a woman. Sometimes we chatted privately. She never got sexual with me to my disappointment. Later, she said she was married.

So I kept things on a holy plane. I loved her writing in the chat room and often rhapsodized about how I wanted to marry a woman just like her.

Now I realize that this poster is a male friend of mine on Facebook who I’ve never met. This guy on Facebook often did the same sensitive kind things for me that the chat room poster did but I never thought twice about him because I assumed he had a penis (and I assumed by his understated kindness that he was a Christian) while she was the embodiment of womanhood (who said she was a secular Jew).

Now I still want a woman like this poster, but one without a penis.

I was convinced she was a woman because she was always appropriate, she was never arrogant or showing off, and she was always thoughtful and wise and considerate. What straight guy is like that?

I’m so glad she/he never lured me into cybersex.

Now that I’ve outed my favorite poster, the chat room will turn into a barnyard brawl and no decent woman will come within a mile of it.

Hank Rose emails:

Luke:

If your personality still ruins your chances for love
and contentment, your self deprecating woe is me
shtick is the journalism of the passive agressive
malcontent. It attracts web heads who get off on
witnessing literary accidents of isolated bloggers who
insulate themselves from real life by living through
their media persona when social reality eludes them.

You still have the classic air sign affliction. You live
in your head in a world of ideas, thoughts, words
and lack of action. You ego trades on what fame
you have but you exchanged a X forum of 100%
for a moral audience of 1%. Yet this hasn’t secured
you happiness in middle age, because too much
honesty about who you are alienates you from
those in whose graces you wish to be accepted.

The blessings of wisdom, love and appreciation
for the simple things in life are lost on what loveless
loners cannot grasp. Which is that one cannot live
through idiot boxes, sound bites and printed words
alone. Without human touch and contact, there is no
real living. Only the media babysitting of electronics
and keyboard vanity for actual flesh and blood union.

Cerebral materialist idealism sentiment is not what
gets us into the next world. LOVE IS. You can’t have
physical orgasms or emotional goosebumps with
words. They are your living, not your loving. Stop
being afraid of life and therputing your fears with
your blog. Go out and meet someone without words
getting in the way. For someone who lives by the
word, too much thought and verbiage is the enemy
of action. Air signs need to realize this or go crazy.

There, I just saved you a session with your shrink!

So Sincerely,

The Artist Formerly Blown As
Survivor of Blowbiz

PS Learning to readjust or temper love’s
failures boils down to letting go
of perfectionism in one’s social
dealings. And I stopped being a
perfectionist when my mother left
when I was two. If I wound up in
porn because of it, then my amorous
abilities helped make the transition
from lust to love and real caring
when I lost my dad. It’s funny how
being in touch with your mortality
makes you let go of angst, grow up
and realize`what matters in life.

There were women I could lust after
or talk well with. But they weren’t
ladies I could share my life with. I
found out what I wanted in a woman most
was a good heart combined with a sweet
innocence. Intellectual pursuits tend
to lead to argument and stress. For the
smarter one is, the more one is prone
to depression or trouble. So I picked a
polar opposite happy go lucky female to
compliment my wise ass air sign head case.

I couldn’t have given up porn and wound
up with someone of similar lost innocence.
When opposites attract, a lady with a
childlike innocence will love you for who
you are without judgment. So find your
Eve before she bites into the apple of
knowledge. Instead, be that apple and she
will respect you for teaching her the ways
of the world. And by the time she matures
to a more adult mindset, she will belong
to you and the power of love will supercede
all mutual flaws and human imperfections.