I love being around people who are easy to read. I love people who don’t have double-agendas. I love people like the director of my Alexander Technique training school. Just straight-forward.
I’m the opposite of this. I’m devious and under-handed. I keep my thoughts and feelings to myself most of the time when I interact with people. This is a result of my early childhood. When my mother was diagnosed with cancer when I was turned one year old, I got sent to live with about 20 different homes over the next three years. Some of those homes were horrific. If I didn’t hide what I was thinking and feeling, I got beaten.
I learned how to be unreadable. I learned how to say things so that people would not know that I was putting them down. I learned how to get away with stuff. I learned to take joy out of baiting people. I learned rage against authority. I learned to constantly throw myself against authority and try to tear it down.
