Marvin The Orthodox Menace

My friend Cathy Seipp died five years ago today.

Cathy’s daughter Maia Lazar writes: Marvin could not concentrate on the Rashi script. The cantor was not good that day, and the lighting was very dim. Plus, the woman next to him through the lattice could not stop singing. Marvin did not like that. Marvin had a good day as long as women did not sing, he did not have to drive through Hispanic neighborhoods, and no bums protested against Bush.

…His life goals, jokingly, are to marry a virgin, and father a dozen children. So far, he has not succeeded. Firstly, he is not that observant as most Orthodox Jews are, and secondly, he is reaching forty, and few women younger than 25 are willing to elope with a man that old. In the last year, he has dated two women: a secular masseuse, and a fifty-year-old broad. Neither qualifies.
After each person had exited the synagogue, Marvin found himself alone with the director of the place. “We need to talk,” the scruffy rabbi murmured.
Marvin knew what he meant. “I apologize deeply for lying, and not telling you what happened…” he began to reply.
“You have proved yourself disloyal by doing your business in that field.” The rabbi elaborated, disgusted.
“You have every right to be angered but please allow me to explain.”
“Explain what? Until you’re a person of dignity and understanding, you are not welcome here any further, do you understand?!”
Marvin understood, but he had an appointment at Heebster Lounge that afternoon. He had the juiciest assignment in the “industry.”

About Luke Ford

I've written five books (see My work has been noted in the New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, and 60 Minutes. I teach Alexander Technique in Beverly Hills (
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