The Sports Illustrated Bathing Suit Issue Seen Through The Lens Of Alexander Technique

While the rest of the world looks at this week’s Sports Illustrated bathing suit issue as an opportunity to indulge in carnal lust, I am determined that this be a teaching moment to warn against the perils of debauched kineasthesia.

Poor 19yo cover girl Kate Upton. While she’s young and limber now, she’s setting herself up for pain and injury later in life by arching her back and neck in poses like this in Cairns, Australia.

I wish I could get to her before it’s too late!

My Alexander Technique teaching practice ( specializes in helping models married to billionaires.

I’ve made a video below recreating Kate’s poses but with modesty and good use.

To relieve back pain, Kate Upton likes to practice active rest. Note how she uses this rock to comfortably rest her head, allowing her back to lengthen and widen.

Poor Kate arches her back and compresses her neck.

I’m thinking about how unpleasant it would be to kiss Kate while her neck is shortened in poses like this.

The back is not meant to be stretched like this.

This pose might be a lot of fun when you’re 19, but don’t try it after 40 without your doctor’s permission.

Kate pretends to be in ecstasy here in Cairns wearing a top by Emporio Armani Swim and a Swimuit by Tori Praver Swimwear, but oy, the price she will pay later for the lack of neck support.

Kate’s back is nice and straight here, but her head falls forward, pulling on her spine.

Here’s an alternative way to practice active rest on a tree branch. This is very popular with some of my younger students.

Kate compresses her neck and arches her back dramatically here in Cairns while wearing a swimsuit by Nippies Swim by Bristols Six.

I don’t recommend this position for constructive rest.

Lost from the present moment, poor Kate forgets to wear her top.

Kate carries a lot of tension in her shoulders in this shot. Probably why she forgot to cover up.

Here poor Kate Upton is forced to arch her back and debauch her kinaesthesia in a pathetic attempt to sell more Victoria Secrets product.

Israeli model Bar Rafaeli displays excellent Alexander Technique.

Her neck is free. In none of the photos is her neck compressed. This is a girl built for the long-run. I’d take her to shul.

About Luke Ford

I've written five books (see My work has been covered in the New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, and on 60 Minutes. I teach Alexander Technique in Beverly Hills (
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