Masturbation And Sex Addiction

Joe* emails: “What do you think about masturbation? I still do it every night although my church friends tell me it should be avoided.”

Sex addiction therapists recommend a three month break as part of a program to turn your life around and to get into recovery from compulsivity. Many people masturbate their anxiety away. Running from your anxiety like this might not be healthy.

As for morality, every religion commands abstention from masturbation.

Joe emails: Masturbation has been an escape from reality for me as long as I remember.

I remember watching a video on how to pick up women which also
suggested laying off. I don’t normally take advice from pick up
artists but it would at least indicate that this is a step in the
direction towards my ambition of getting married rather than something
virtuous that will turn me into a lonely monk.

One question: you mention that your taste for older women is a symptom of your addiction to sexual violence. My longer term relationships have also been with older women, so you may well be right. But could you explain in further detail? I don’t quite get the logic as it stands.

Luke: I don’t remember making any connection between older women and my compulsions. I’ve dated an even mix of women my age, a little older and younger.

I have eroticized rage but it does not express itself violently. All of my girlfriends would recall me as tender and gentle. My rage expresses itself in my cruel sense of humor and in my love of role-playing games and in my tendency to seek intensity over intimacy.

Joe emails: “‘Eroticized rage’ – yes, I think that applies to me as well. I’ve got a lot of suppressed anger. In my days of porn use, I used to be
hypnotized by the money shot which is, I think, an expression of rage
against women.”

Luke: “I’ve got rage. That’s why I blog! But I hate to experience any physical pain and I hate confrontation in my personal life.”

About Luke Ford

I've written five books (see My work has been noted in the New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, and 60 Minutes. I teach Alexander Technique in Beverly Hills (
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