The main teacher in the movie and play The History Boys said his touch of his students was more benedictory than exploratory.
I’ve never been able to forget that phrase.
Some people just have an amazing sense of touch and others just feel creepy. It has nothing to do with how hard or light the touch is. It has everything to do with who the person is.
A contracted person is going to have an icky touch. A person without undue contraction is going to have a beautiful touch.
I knew this plain woman who was very annoying, but she had an amazing sense of touch, and whenever she hugged me goodbye, I tingled.
Through Alexander Technique, I’ve been able to drop much of my needless bodily tension and hence my touch has a different quality from three years ago.
There’s a great exercise in the book Passionate Marriage that calls for people to hug without leaning on the other person. Stand on your own two feet and hug while maintaining your own upright direction.
That’s a great metaphor for relationships. Stay on your own two feet, hold yourself up, and then interact from that stable position.