The Efficiency Of Sex

On his radio show today, Dennis Prager had relationships expert Alison Armstrong on for an hour.

Alison: “I was talking to a woman yesterday who had been married for a year. I heard from remarks her husband made that they had started to struggle with sex. That is not good. He’s a young man. I told her, he’s a young man. If you married an old man, you wouldn’t have to take care of him so often. There are certain responsibilities that come with a young man, basically you have to take care of him every day. An old man, every three days.

“She’s like, ‘It’s just so hard to get myself to want to these days.’

“I told her, ‘Forget about wanting to. Sex is the most efficient way to take care of your provider.’

“Women think that they can do other things that will add up to what sex provides. Like, if I cook for you enough, if I acknowledge you enough, if I cuddle you enough, if I give you enough affection and respect, if I take care of the house and the children, it could add up to what sex provides, but nothing adds up to what sex provides. Nothing will replace his wife desiring him.”

“It fills up so many tanks. When he gets connected to her through sex, he gets connected to the whole world.”

Dennis: “We get into trouble when we think romantically as opposed to efficiently. Romantic thinking is, I want life to be X, therefore life is X. Efficient is what works.”

“You mean in the time it takes me to do my hair I can improve my marriage 86%?”

Alison: “While doing the least amount of effort.”

Dennis: “Is there an 18-minute solution for men with women?”

Alison says men should ask women about their day. “Ask the woman you love what are her favorite questions to be asked.”

“I tell women all the time, you can have a man who pays attention to you and what you want and has to borrow money from you to get it. Or you can have a man who’s paying attention to his hunting grounds and has plenty of resources to give you what you want and has no idea what it is. You pick. You can’t have it both ways.”

“The hardest part for couples [with sex] is the beginning. There’s this inertia that has to be overcome. People wait for a mood, for wanting to to to overcome that inertia.”

Dennis: “Sex is a responsibility. Bread-winning is on him most of the time and sex is on her.”

Alison: “The more emotionally involved a man is with you, the more rejection hurts. So the less likely he is to initiate.”

Monday night, Dennis Prager and Eric Cantor co-officiated a seder at the home of Frank Luntz. One of the guests was the mayor of Los Angeles.

About Luke Ford

I've written five books (see My work has been followed by the New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, and 60 Minutes. I teach Alexander Technique in Beverly Hills (
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