I Want To Freestyle My Goodness

It’s so boring to live your life in box and follow all the rules.

I’m naturally good.

I like good loving music like Air Supply and the Village People.

When I listen to it, I sway back and forth and think loving romantic thoughts.

I find it really easy to open my heart to my fellow man (or more precisely, my fellow woman who’s hot).

I love to embrace the fairer sex. I love to get close. I love to love you baby.

Why must my love be constricted by Jewish law?

When you meet a Torah Jew, you can rely on him to react in predictable ways.

That’s not exciting.

I like being around such people because you can depend on them, but it’s not exciting for me to live that way.

When I shun the old ugly and deformed, that’s because my feelings are aesthetically exquisite.

When I’m rude and moody, that’s because I’m deep.

When I’m depressed, that’s because I see through the delusions that preoccupy those not in the know.

When I screw around, that’s because I want to share my love.

When I say something vulgar, that’s because I’m rattling the sensibilities of the bourgeouis to convey my profound insights.

So screw you if you don’t get me! I’m wonderful. Just ask my mom.

Oy, glad I got that out of my system. How ridiculous. Yet I think that way way too much. Good thing I belong to an Orthodox shul. That’ll straighten me out one of these days. I might even internalize some things.

About Luke Ford

I've written five books (see Amazon.com). My work has been noted in the New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, and 60 Minutes. I teach Alexander Technique in Beverly Hills (Alexander90210.com).
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