Allison Williams says on Dennis Prager’s radio show June 4: "Husbands and wives must have sex. It’s not optional. Both men and women need sex for different reasons. It’s foolish to think you can have a sexless marriage and prevent infidelity. Infidelity is one of the most destructive things that can happen to a family.
"Second, one of the definitions of marriage is a union. That’s what people are craving. If you think of human beings as spirit wedded to the physical, sex is a unique opportunity. Men have such a profound relationship to the physical, how many men access the spiritual is either by denying the physical or pushing the limits of the physical. So men can get connected to their wives and to the spirit through having sex.
"For women, it is the opposite. Women have a strong relationship to the spiritual and a weak relationship to the physical. We barely inhabit our bodies. When we’re making love and experiencing connecting to a husband that way, we bring our spiritual selves to the physical realm. It’s a miracle."
Dennis: "The female aspect has become dominant. The male’s strong relationship to the physical is regarded as inherently lower. Why would I this woman who’s on such a higher spiritual plane have to give in to this animal?"
Allison: "There is this attitude that men are just hound dogs about sex and have to learn to control themselves. This completely misses what sex provides for men."
Dennis: "Because it is important, it is obligatory."
"As though men are on a lower level because of their need to express the physical."
Allison: "I used to think that."
"Share with each what is the effect of sex. Men have a saying, ‘Why bother to state the obvious?’ Men don’t talk about what happens to them in sex. They don’t talk about the difference that it makes. The most important information a couple can share in this area is to tell each other the difference it makes to you when you have sex. What happens in a drive-by, in a smorgasboard session, when you add massage, when you kiss a lot, how does that change it for you? Not just in the moment, but the last effects? It can make changes for days afterwards."
"We (women) understand that [question] as a love. You want to understand what it’s like for me? OK."
"In a marraige, the normal context of sex needs to shift. The normal context is all about wanting to have sex. That’s like waiting for the stars to align. It’s crazy to leave your sex life up to two people wanting to at the same time. if you exchange information about what does sex provide, what causes in each partner is the willingness to have sex whether you want to or not to provide the partner what sex provides. Sex changes my husband’s life. I want to provide that for him. You can declare your intention to be your spouse’s lover to provide that. You’re no longer going to worry about wanting causing sex, which takes all the hurt feelings out of it.
"I know a couple I taught this to. He’d say, ‘You wan to have sex.’ She’d say, ‘No.’ He’d say, ‘I don’t either. Let’s do it.’ Instead of wanting causing sex, sex can cause wanting."
Dennis: "The notion of, I’m not in the mood. Do you say that with regard to anything else important in your life? The kid is crying. I’m not in the mood to get up. It’s time for dinner, I’m not in the mood to have dinner. I’m not in the mood to take the kids to school, to go to work. What if the guy said, ‘Honey, I’m not in the mood to work today.’ The answer is — so what?"
Allison: "Being in the mood for sex has everything to do with hormones. A woman is going to be in the mood for sex for five days a month, right before she ovulates. Every person, especially women, has a jump start. Something that will make her go from zero to 60. I’ve got to have you right now. Every woman has that. She simply has to tell her spouse what it is."
"The more emotionally involved a man is with a woman, the harder it is for him to initiate sex because the rejection hurts so much. He’d say he’s crushed. In a marriage, a man will look for signs that his wife wants sex before he initiates sex. The problem is that one of the things that make a woman want to have sex is to see his desire for her."
"Sex [regularity] should be agreed upon."
"Greg [Allison’s husband] stays in great shape if he has sex every three days. I keep count. Every three days, I initiate sex with him. Not because I want sex, I almost never do. Only about 30 hours a week. It always turns out well for me."
"Once a couple has declared their willings to be their partner’s lover, you have to preserve that willingness and prevent resentment from eating away at it. Avoid seeking sex during the pumpkin hours. And the second thing, you’ve got to heal hurt feelings because that will prevent a woman from providing sex."
"When you have sex, how long do you stay connected?"
