Naked Sushi

I’ve been studying Torah with various Orthodox rabbis.

I did some of that this afternoon.

I love it but I also hate it because I can’t go out and do what I want as easily.

It’s less and less fun to sin these days.

How can I go paint Pico-Robertson red when I have to face certain people on a regular basis?

I don’t like to look into the eyes of people I’m fooling (sorry rabbis Cohen, Muskin, Weil, Union etc).

It’s just not a good feeling.

I’m trying to lead a less deceitful life.

I might put that as a bumper sticker on my love mobile.

Anyway, today I studied about loving your fellow, looking after his property and reputation and feelings the same way you’d want your own looked after.

It’s an awful hard mitzva.

So to drown my sorrows, I headed for Hadaka Sushi Thursday evening.

Screw my fellow Jew, what’s he ever done for me?

My object of fascination, Christina DeRosa, was to be a model. She’d lie on a table covered with banana leaves and men would eat sushi off of her. Video

It sounded like good clean fun.

Then I get there and find out "Hadaka Sushi" means "Naked Sushi."

How the heck am I going to hide that in my blog post? Naked Sushi, oy gevalt.

On top of that, I can find no kosher certification from the RCC on the restaurant. I can find no picture of Rabbi Union beaming down benevolently upon me.

I can’t even find that in my dreams.

So I interview (a fully clothed) Christina. She’s starring in a new miniseries on Cinemax.

On May 8, DeRosa had emailed me: "I have great news.  Last Friday, I signed the contract to appear in 13 half hour episodes as a series regular for the new CineMax groundbreaking show, ‘Zane’s Sex Chronicles.’  This show is based on the best selling novel by the same name and the producers are revisiting the friendship concept, first introduced with ‘Sex and the City’ but this time there will be five women with a lot more eroticism.  I will be performing the role of Hannah, aka Ebony (at the time I read the script, Hannah is the owner of a nude gym).  However; I have come to find out, since then that HBO is the owner of CineMax and their intent is to develop and refine the show for the first season on CineMax, subsequently, movie it over to one of their main full fledged HBO channels.  This tells me, that based on the name of the Executive Producer, Suzanne De Passe and other key players, I have just signed on to something really good, not just another CineMax soft core wanna-be-porn.  So, wish me luck, I will keep you posted, and someday, I will invite you onset for you to have some fun interviewing me."

What could be more wholesome than that?

How could any rabbi have the slightest apprehension about my blogging on such a family-friendly topic?

Walking home from Hadaka Sushi Thursday night, I figure I can just wait on my blog post on this vitally important matter  until I stand on firmer ground.

Then I figure I can just bury it on one of my other 20 blogs, maybe use the ones the rabbis don’t read.

Then I figure I should just keep silent.

But now I can’t sleep.

So I think I’ll blog about my feelings.

Christina looked ravishing tonight, particularly when covered by sushi and surrounded by a dozen hungry guys.

It was at that point that I fled.

My conscience has become so delicate these days.

I can no longer face iniquity full on.

I can no longer rock out with my —- out.

Oh, who am I fooling? I am so screwed. This living like priests thing, I keep falling down on. Man, the rabbis find this blog post and I’m going to go up in smoke.

I am so screwed.

"Hadaka Sushi" is Hebrew for "Levi is Screwed."

From the Hadaka Sushi brochure:

Also referred to as "body sushi," nyotaimori is the practice of eating sashimi or sushi from the body of a woman. Sushi is not merely food, but the culinary expression of art and sensuality. At Hadaka Sushi, the gourmet experience is taken to a new level as the model’s inherent beauty and energy enhance the exquisite cuisine. The food never touches the model’s skin, but instead is presented on banana leaves draped on top of the flower-adorned body. Guests can enjoy the sensual meal on a female or a male model.

Hadaka Suishi is a contemporary Japanese restaurant, sushi bar and sake lounge located in the heart of West Hollywood’s legendary Sunset strip. "Hadaka" is the Japanese word for "naked," and the experience is equal parts exotic and delicious. Considered one of the world’s sexiest cuisines, Hadaka’s sushi and Japanese-inspired foods are given the harem treatment amidst elegantly luxuriant surroundings.

The concept behind Hadaka Sushi is simple: SUSHI GONE NAUGHTY. Executive chef Eddie Brik brings a passion for pleasure and experience from some of the world’s top restaurants to a sophisticated clientele. Delectable, sensual, and always enticing, Hadaka is the ultimate seduction.

Whatever you are "into," you’ll find it at Hadaka Sushi.

But be forewarned — you’ve probably never experienced anything like it.

Bad Girls and Boys, take note: there’s a room just for you…and detention has never been so fun.

For those interested in experiencing something super sensual, very sexy, and maybe even a little wild, a private room offers even more. Leave the silverware and inhibitions at the door, because Hadaka Sushi’s "Harem Suite"…Adults Only is where food and fantasy meet.

Whether gourmet food and cocktails are your fetish or an amazing meal is just a prelude to something scandalous.

Hadaka Sushi promises you a happy ending.

About Luke Ford

I've written five books (see Amazon.com). My work has been followed by the New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, and 60 Minutes. I teach Alexander Technique in Beverly Hills (Alexander90210.com).
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