A few years ago, I met a girl at a convention. She had a boyfriend but was complaining about him a lot and very quickly we hooked up and she became my girl.
But was she my girl? I had my doubts.
After we had broken up a couple of months later, she told me her therapist said she was a “love addict.”
I had never heard of that term and I immediately Googled it and read a few books on the topic. This girl had thrown me for a loop and I devoted a large section of one of my books to my relationship with her.
According to Wikipedia: “Romantic love addicts are “romance junkies” and relationship “hoppers.” They compulsively hop from one infatuated relationship to another in an attempt to keep their supply (dependency or addiction) going. Initially they often believe they’re in love with a person they start a relationship with, but they don’t truly fall in love. Romantic love addicts are addicted to the fantasy created in their minds and have false hopes (unrealistic expectation) that one day they will find the right one who somehow will keep the “rush,” passion, and intensity going all the time—an impossible task for anyone.”
As I thought about it, I became convinced that I had many of the symptoms of the love junkie.
Then I interviewed Rachel Resnick, who wrote a memoir about love addiction.
Tamara: “I think there should be more talk about what it really means to be in love. How do you know when you are in love?”
Luke: “How do you know when you are in love?”
Tamara: “For me it is the best feeling in the world. It’s a drug. I really miss being in love. It’s part of what makes life worth living. We don’t talk about it enough.”
“I want to marry for love. It’s the most important thing.”
As soon as someone talks to me about their addiction to the rush of being in love, I start thinking about love addiction.
I am not diagnosing Tamara with anything. I am not qualified to do so. I have no psychological training. I hate it when people use psychology as a weapon. I’m just saying I heard echoes in my head when she spoke about love that reminded me of my own experiences with love addiction.
In her latest blog post, Tamara writes: “I’ve been feeling a little low this week. I thought it might have to do with my writing or the lack of certainty in my future plans beginning in a few months or the fact that I accidentally ended up at the website of an ex, but I actually think it has to do with the fact that I might like someone and that would mean that would mean I’m waiting to hear from him. Me – waiting for him?”