What if my problems in Orthodox Judaism are not their fault? What if it’s not Orthodox Judaism nor its rabbis nor its practitioners that have caused me so much trouble, but only myself?
What if I gave the Orthodox community no choice but to repeatedly exile me?
What if I put myself at the margins?
What if it was I who destroyed my relationships with all the good people who’ve hosted me for meals?
I sometimes feel like I’m not so much interacting with individuals with foibles but with a 3200-year old tradition that has evolved some canny ways of dealing with deviates such as myself, ways that balance individual rights with the community’s obligations to holiness?
I sometimes feel like I’m playing a role — the rebel — and those around me are playing such roles as the good son, the wise father, the benevolent mother, the slutty daughter…
I sometimes feel when I step into shul and into a Torah home that I’m not just mixing with people but with the divine.
There’s no ‘what if’ about any of this, Sunny Jim.
And by the way, cutting and pasting items intended to portray the Jewish people in a negative light does not make you a "seeker of the truth" (let alone a "writer.") It simply makes you an anti-Semitic little creep who baits the Jewish community to get attention.
It’s good to know that these Orthodox rabbis recognize you for the piece of s— that you are. Want to deliver "divine karma" to wrongdoers? KILL YOURSELF.