A friend calls me with his fantasies about Evan.
Friend: "Instead of the talking dog, he’s got the talking chimp. I can see the stuffed animal talking to him in the middle of the night. ‘You need to kill! Operation Chiquita!’ Then unloads a clip into a bunch of school kids.
"I can see Evan doing the perp walk with an evil smirk on his face. It’ll be like something out of the Stephen King book, ‘The Dead Zone.’ I don’t even have to shake his hand. I already know how this will turn out.
"He’ll be saying, ‘Chimpstein told me to kill.’
"He’ll be represented by the ghost of William Kuntsler.
"Maybe they’ll furlough Collin Ferguson to represent him."
Ferguson was a killer who represented himself after shooting a bunch of people on the Long Island railroad in a fit of black rage.
Surprisingly, he was convicted.
Friend: "Can you imagine who would be called as witnesses in this thing? David Horowitz. Sean Hannity. Paul Weyrich. The only person to have to take a ramp on to the witness stand. Linda Chavez. It will be a who’s who of conservative journalism and punditry.
"They’ll be reading from his columns. The Obama-rapper column he just did.
"He’s like a latter-day Berkowitz. They’ll need to make a movie — Summer of Evan.
"The letters he’d be sending to the New York Post: ‘You ended my column but not my spree! I’m too prolific to be stopped.’
"You’ll get the exclusive. He’ll give you the first interview when he calls you from Rikers Island collect.
"And you’d have to raise money to pay your phone bill because you’re accepting these collect phone calls."