I’m Going To Start Giving Hair Cuts & Facials In My Spare Time So I Can Have Extra Money To Buy Torah Books

I’ve been cutting my own hair for the past three months. I just gave myself a severe trim this morning. Come into my cam and give me some feedback. Perhaps I have a future in the beauty profession?

A Jew emails: "u look great i am sure all of Hollywood will use u as a barber your hair is nicer than that faggot who ran for president because his wife got cancer."

You know how strippers say they’re using the money from their tawdry work to pay for college? Well, my story is that I’m using my money on sacred texts such as the masechta Bava Kama Sutra.

If I were a rich man, I’d sit in the synagogue seven hours a day and discuss the holy books.

I’m getting a lot of linky love these days from the DailyYid, which gives the Jew everything he needs to know in Yiddish each day to serve his Maker.

guest33:  You’re an idiot who thinks he’s another Waco type leader.  Get real man,  you’re crazy!!!
User RevDesmondFord ( entered the room.
Jimmy:  Luke I have to admit I get a kick out of the guy who writes to you under RevDesmondFord
RevDesmondFord:  G’day, son! Sinkers or floaters today, you loathsome little anti-Semite?
RevDesmondFord:  You look fair-dinkum DERANGED! I ought to make you eat a squashed cane toad.
guest38:  What’s a sinker and a floater? Is that a Lettermen reference of some sort?
RevDesmondFord:  Ask my ungrateful, deceitful whelp of a son!
Jimmy:  wait a min  I just mentioned the Rev and then he showed up
RevDesmondFord:  It’s magic, mate!
YourMoralLeader:  Sorry dad
YourMoralLeader:  Floaters today, dad
RevDesmondFord:  This is a revolting display of narcissism, son. You sure are sorry!
Jimmy:  Youre the best part of the Luke Ford genre Dad
YourMoralLeader:  Yes, I am.
YourMoralLeader:  It’s an honor to have you in my chat room, pops.
YourMoralLeader:  How are you?
guest38:  I need to kow if I’m a floater or a sinker. My body fat’s not that low, but I’m also big-boned.
YourMoralLeader:  It refers to feces in the toilet bowl.
RevDesmondFord:  I don’t appreciate the sarcasm, sunny Jim. If I were there, I’d box your ears and send you into the family privy to examine your step-mum’s spoor as sinkers or floaters.
guest38:  Ah, in that case, I’m a rabid anti-floatite.
RevDesmondFord:  But I’d probably just find you pleasring yourself to what she cast off.
Jimmy:  Now we both cheesed off dad
RevDesmondFord:  But speaking of stools in a toilet bowl, how’s your career going?
YourMoralLeader:  What do you think of masturbation, dad?
YourMoralLeader:  Not very well, dad. Got a job for me?
YourMoralLeader:  Any dating tips?
guest38:  OMG, youa re NOT talking about this with your pops.
RevDesmondFord:  Perhaps the KKK might employ you given your obsessive anti-Semitism, y’ phony ba***rd.
Jimmy:  I am afraid its true 38
User RevDesmondFord left the room.
QuixoticLass:  if you get tips from "dating" you’re not really dating, you’re working.
YourMoralLeader:  Dad, I had a couple of sheilas over to the hovel in the past few weeks and I read them your "One F—ed Up Aussie’s Opinion" column from 1999. They found it hysterical.
Jimmy:  I see where you get yr sense of humor Luke
YourMoralLeader:  he’s tough on me but Rev Des loves me in his own way

KhunDiddy:  hahahaaaaa
Emma:  Put your lips together and blow..
QuixoticLass:  see?  Emma knows. 🙂
KhunDiddy:  Bogey and Lauren
QuixoticLass:  emma, all the men are really drooling now.
KhunDiddy:  we’ll always have Paris
Emma:  Hmm why
QuixoticLass:  they love it when a woman talks about blowing
KhunDiddy:  Me, I’ll always have Bangkok…screw Paris
KhunDiddy:  Luke I’ve been here several minutes and you haven’t stopped pushing food int your pie hole
QuixoticLass:  it’s lunch time
Emma:  Yep
QuixoticLass:  people eat
KhunDiddy:  you’re grazing like a hungry shark
nicolletista:  imagine how surprised i was when i found that failedmessiah wasn’t just a redirect to luke’s site
QuixoticLass:  just most people don’t eat on cam
KhunDiddy:  or floss their teeth
Lilithena:  Don’t mind me.  I’m writing a paper on this chat room.  "Dominance and Display in a Chat Room"
KhunDiddy:  send me a copy
KhunDiddy:  make is saucy
KhunDiddy:  make stuff up
QuixoticLass:  don’t have to make stuff up to make it saucy
KhunDiddy:  true true You make it saucy Q girl
nicolletista:  all right then
KhunDiddy:  you and Emma
QuixoticLass:  *curtsies*
User nicolletista left the room.
KhunDiddy:  where is that confused 19 yr old who was here last week? 
Emma:  She never came back
YourMoralLeader:  who was that?
KhunDiddy:  I hoe she got help…she sounded suicidal
KhunDiddy:  I think her name was
Emma:  The girl who wanted a man not a boy
Emma:  Broke up with her bf
YourMoralLeader:  so many of those
KhunDiddy:  I forgot…she was taking a jewish guy with a small one
KhunDiddy:  no not you..a real jew
YourMoralLeader:  that was just chaim amalek
KhunDiddy:  OH….fooled me
Emma:  mmm
KhunDiddy:  again
QuixoticLass:  yeah he changed his name to OneHotChick
YourMoralLeader:  you guys are so horny and easy
KhunDiddy:  hahahaaaa
QuixoticLass:  or something like that
YourMoralLeader:  I live my life for higher values
YourMoralLeader:  hence dont get fooled so much
User guest49 left the room.
Emma:  lol
KhunDiddy:  you live your life stuffing food in your mouth
KhunDiddy:  Luke are you wrapping taliban again today?
QuixoticLass:  you do that in the morning
KhunDiddy:  what if you forget?
Emma:  Oops
KhunDiddy:  General Preteus is in town…wrap Taliban
Lilithena:  I’ve spent more time observing you than Jane Goodall did apes
Lilithena:  And I think I understand the connectedness among you well enough to describe who each of you is and the role that you play in this ecosystem
Lilithena:  When it gets this quiet, why do people stay?
QuixoticLass:  compulsion
QuixoticLass:  we’re waiting for moshiach
QuixoticLass:  or Gudot, whoever shows up first
Lilithena:  What role does sexual fantasizing play in your decision to be here instead of out taking a walk or running errands?
QuixoticLass:  I’m at work.  Talking here is more entertaining than editing the Yizkor book
Emma:  My work is over…..

About Luke Ford

I've written five books (see Amazon.com). My work has been covered in the New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, and on 60 Minutes. I teach Alexander Technique in Beverly Hills (Alexander90210.com).
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