You tend to only wear tzitzis on shabbos or when you want to make people think you are frummer than you really are, like at shachris
You want to daven maariv, but are so damned tired that you only say the first paragraph of shema when you are already in bed
Z’man krias shema? Try tefillin for mincha
You “forget” to put on tefillin
Your idea of shabbos lunch is empire meat on white bread with mustard while reading the NY Post in your underwear
You roll into shul only when you have a meal setup
You figure if the Dutch can wait an hour between meat and milk you can too
You only wash for bread and bench on shabbos
