I’m Starting A ‘Fair Play For Eliot’ Committee

The Learned Elders of Zion are talking discretely in my chatroom with Client #9.

Due to the severe threat this shanda poses to Jews, I’m not allowing goyim into my chatroom today. You have to show your circumsicion on the way in.

ClientNo9:  I got a raw deal
ClientNo9:  Damn b**ch set me up
Brad:  wots up client
ClientNo9:  You’d think that for $5,500/hour, my name would not have entered into this.
ClientNo9:  I’ll bet none of you has ever laid out that kind of dough for a hooker

nicolletista:  yes, eliot–you’re the VICTIM here
nicolletista:  i’m outraged for you
Brad:  was she worth it
nicolletista:  you’re damn right i haven’t
nicolletista:  impressed, though
ClientNo9:  I AM the victim, and so too are the poepole of ny state, if I resign in favor of that ignorant shvartze who I picked to be lt governor
guest25:  good point
guest52:  for 5500 wot she have? golden flaps?
ClientNo9:  Seriously, I can’t even remember this guys name.  Only that he was black
Brad:  good point and well made but ive no idea wot u r talking about
ClientNo9:  She was ok, thinner than Monica, but who isn’t?
ClientNo9:  If and when I leave office, my replacement will be New York Lt Governor David Paterson, who is a crazy shvarzte
Brad:  zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
ClientNo9:  Oy, this is not good for the Jews
YourMoralLeader:  Pg. 30 of the sealed complaint :   TEMEKA RACHELLE LEWIS, a/k/a "Rachelle," continued that from what she had been told "he" (believed to be a reference to Client-9) "would ask you to do things that, like, you might not think were safe – you know – I mean
ClientNo9:  Also, it is bad for that other shvarze, Obama.  Too many shvartzes in charge of one state is not a good thing
ClientNo9:  What was I supposed to do, answer personal ads on Craigslist?
nicolletista:  this is great stuff
nicolletista:  you would have been better off to do that, yes
Brad:  if only u explained it to me
ClientNo9:  Show me a man who does that, and I will show you a man who is beneath me
User guest56 left the room.
User guest57 entered the room.
nicolletista:  cheaper, and in the end just as private
nicolletista:  for you anyway
ClientNo9:  If I had done this with another man, people would be rushing to my defense.
ClientNo9:  Moral is: no woman is worth $5,500/hour
nicolletista:  you’re quite right–you should call mcgreevey right now
ClientNo9:  Who knew?
User guest57 left the room.
guest54:  TEMEKA RACHELLE LEWIS, a/k/a "Rachelle" continued that from what she had been told "he" (believed to be a reference to Client-9) "would ask you to do things that, like, you might not think were safe – you know – I mean that . . . very basic things. . . "
User guest58 entered the room.
ClientNo9:  Moral Leader, I want you to get in touch with the right people to start a Fair Play for Elliott Committee
User guest26 left the room.
ClientNo9:  OK, so I had a bleu job
User guest10 left the room.
ClientNo9:  What man has not?
guest54:  what’s "not safe" about that?
ClientNo9:  What’s not safe is getting caught
YourMoralLeader:  Let us pray
ClientNo9:  On a federal wiretap.  Of all the bad luck
nicolletista:  luke you could be the new rabbi baruch korff
ClientNo9:  I was set up by Wall Street, of that I am certain
User guest54 left the room.
User marlene entered the room.
ClientNo9:  Good thing daddy is loaded
ClientNo9:  I am the total victim here
ClientNo9:  Who is this yutz eating here?
marlene:  hello
ClientNo9:  He seems very pale.
ClientNo9:  Drained
marlene:  he doesnt speak
ClientNo9:  Mr. Ford, you look drained of vital life force

ClientNo9:  Marlene, who are you?  How do you happen to come here?  Do I know you from that other place?
marlene:  what other place?
ClientNo9:  How many diamonds are you?
ClientNo9:  You know
marlene:  i really dont
nicolletista:  don’t put anything on the record–very clever eliot
marlene:  diamonds?
Brad:  are you available for hire client no 9
ClientNo9:  Let me put it this way, IF you were a prostitute, what would men pay to have sex with you?
nicolletista:  he is not hired–he hires–that was his problem
User Brad changed their name to ClientNo10.
ClientNo10:  ahhh that was good
ClientNo9:  Even Luke, I will wager, has hired a prostitute every now and then. MAybe he spent $4,000 instead of $5,000, but the idea is the same
marlene:  are you all hookers?
ClientNo10:  not all of us
ClientNo9:  Marlene, what would you have charged me?
marlene:  okeydokey
ClientNo10:  just most
YourMoralLeader:  never
marlene:  im not a hooker you pervert
ClientNo10:  leader is our pimp
ClientNo9:  You look like a man who goes to hookers
marlene:  there not very good morals cant you get a girl without paying them!
User guest61 changed their name to boredperson.
ClientNo9:  No, I need to pay
boredperson:  hello
marlene:  why are you ugly?
boredperson:  are you luke
YourMoralLeader:  yo
YourMoralLeader:  yes
ClientNo9:  Is who luke?
boredperson:  who is the person  on the video
guest60:  luke ,i enjoy your blog
marlene:  someone who is too ugly to get a girl so has to pay them instead
YourMoralLeader:  thank you
marlene:  you eat a lot man!
boredperson:  luke are you jewish
YourMoralLeader:  y
ClientNo9:  If I were some holy roller Christian fundie wingnut I could apologize declare myself a sinner, and this would be a one day story
marlene:  because you have one of those hat things
boredperson:  because it looks like there is a yamaca on your head
YourMoralLeader:  always
nicolletista:  luke you really ought to use this beautiful double portrait on your blog
ClientNo9:  They are called yarmuekeys
boredperson:  so are you jewish
nicolletista:  http://www.startribune.com/photos/?c=y&img=spit1.JPG
marlene:  do you approve of prostitutes moral leader
YourMoralLeader:  no
ClientNo9:  Prostitutes preserve marriages
ClientNo9:  And that is a fact
User boredperson left the room.
marlene:  me neither but of your desperate……….
nicolletista:  hm, i doubt they will preserve YOURs eliot
User guest62 entered the room.
ClientNo9:  I should’ve kept things local
ClientNo9:  No use of wires, no out of state transportation of hookers
marlene:  do you have hookers moral leader?
YourMoralLeader:  no
marlene:  why?
ClientNo9:  This looks like a man who used to be a hooker, before he lost his youthful charms
YourMoralLeader:  $
marlene:  i wouldnt pay it!
ClientNo9:  I don’t trust a man who has never used a professional
marlene:  i dont trust a man with a beard
ClientNo9:  Like a man who cuts his own hair
YourMoralLeader:  i do
ClientNo9:  not to be trusted.
User guest60 left the room.
nicolletista:  judaism is a good religion for a man who cuts his own hair
LiteratePervert:  Okay, so we’re talking about Spitzer, are we?
guest25:  y
marlene:  whats spitzer?
ClientNo9:  No comment
marlene:  isnt it a type of drink?
ClientNo9:  yes
marlene:  hmmm yum
ClientNo9:  like selzer water
User guest19 left the room.
marlene:  what no like alcohol
nicolletista:  yes, seltzer with spit in it
ClientNo9:  The sheer VOLUME of food that this guy eats is astounding
marlene:  errrrrrr thats gross man
marlene:  i know hes off now to get more
ClientNo9:  I would not let him eat at my table at the club
nicolletista:  i bet "rachelle" knows a lot about gross stuff
User guest63 left the room.
ClientNo9:  That being the Harvard Club
ClientNo9:  Look!
marlene:  oo eating again
marlene:  id cut down, no one likes a man with a beer belly
ClientNo9:  What on earth is he putting into his mouth?
marlene:  or 4  chins
ClientNo9:  Mr Ford, show us your stomach
marlene:  slow down man were not going to take it off you
marlene:  thats a bit dangerous
marlene:  you could choke which is a serious matter
marlene:  put it away some of us are eating you know
marlene:  dont want to see your man boobs
ClientNo9:  You would be far better off eating salmon.  Lots of protein per bite
marlene:  maybe you should go for a walk rather than sitting here, looks like you could use the exercise to be honest mate
marlene:  see bet youve got indigestion eating that fast
marlene:  go get some anti acids
guest64:   its only oranges dudes and dudetts
marlene:  still too much isnt good for you
guest64:    he maybe did two
guest64:   same as in a glass of orange juice
marlene:  i knew someone who once went orange because they ate too many
guest64:   he justsaved himself a trip to the blender
marlene:  bet hes gone to get more
guest64:   let’s see
marlene:  ok bet he does
guest64:  or he may never come back and we will have no more, your moral leader

ragon:  oooooh noooooooooo
RussianDragon:  why
guest104:  he has a hat on
RussianDragon:  that’s his jewish thinking cap
User ClientNo10 entered the room.
RussianDragon:  it doesn’t work
guest104:  yeh i can see thht
Brad:  the scarlet pimpernel
guest111:  now i see luke
guest104:  thats not him
guest111:  hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
guest111:  luke
guest111:  I’m your biggest fan
guest111:  probably only fan
guest111:  it was fun in the darkness
guest111:  i felt your presence
guest111:  but did not see you
guest104:  i didnt
guest104:  feel you
guest111:  he looks soo serious
guest104:  ohhtell me
guest111:  we are observing "the master"
Brad:  of
guest111:  some call him furryface
guest111:  some call him leader
guest104:  no fur face
Brad:  of
guest111:  some call him the spacecowboy
guest111:  or even maurice
Brad:  i think he has kidnapped your brain
guest111:  and he speaks of the pompetous of love
guest104:   i think MR NOBODY!!
guest111:  i really love your peaches
guest111:  i wanna shake your tree
guest104:  me have no peaches
guest111:  is there someone with peaches in the room?
guest104:  i anna………….
guest111:  any peaches in the room
guest104:  i wanna……….
guest104:   no pears
guest111:  chaim called them ovulating females
guest111:  but i guess he’s only into little cute jewish girls
guest104:  what pears??
guest111:  especially when the are from THE VALLEY
guest104:  were you then 111
guest111:  you mean region of the world
guest104:  yes
guest111:  europe
guest111:  belgium to be exact
User guest112 left the room.
guest104:  gives a lot of scope
User guest110 left the room.
guest104:  ohh hes moving
User lumus left the room.
guest111:  he is phoning someone
guest111:  i wonder who it is
guest111:  his mom?
guest104:  moaning about us to mummy
guest111:  "the boys on the chat were mean to me mummy!!!"
guest111:  "sniff sniff"
guest111:  "plz punish them"
guest111:  "spank them plz on their bottoms"
guest104:  oh dear son go to bed
guest111:  i bet she said
guest111:  GET A LIFE
guest111:  luke
guest111:  get a serious job
guest104:  ohh a smile
guest111:  he rarely smiles
User ClientNo9 entered the room.
guest104:  gathered that
User ClientNo9 changed their name to ChaimAmalek.
guest111:  i think he thinks smiling renders him more human
guest104:  HUMAN??
guest111:  and human is not what he aspires to
guest104:  be yes
ChaimAmalek:  This Spitzer thing is not good for the Jews.  Another shvartze in power, perhaps soon to be joined by a mischelung in the White House with a Muslim father.
guest111:  ah ah yes
guest104:  god thats heavy
guest111:  prostitutes and stuff
ChaimAmalek:  The colored I was referring to is our black lt governor
guest111:  wonderfull
ChaimAmalek:  who might soon become Governor of the Jews of New York.  And later to be joined by Husseain Obama as Prosident of the Jews of America
guest104:  he never awnsers us
ChaimAmalek:  Gentlemen, the skies are darkening all across America
guest104:  just looks
guest111:  yes they even darken here in europe
ChaimAmalek:  Luke loves this.  He has a God-like perch from which to look down with disdain on his lessers
guest111:  yes yes
guest111:  exactly
ChaimAmalek:  What we cannot see is that he is not wearing any underpants.
guest104:  who is chaim 11?
ChaimAmalek:  Nor can we see the houseguest.
guest111:  he does not interact with us mere mortals
YourMoralLeader:  hi
YourMoralLeader:  i am here for you guys
guest104:  oh hi
guest111:  we are just the dandruf he brushes of his shoulders
YourMoralLeader:  sorry, i was just earning a living
guest111:  lol
guest111:  ROFL
ChaimAmalek:  Because of Luke I have to pay women $$$$ for sex
guest104:  he spoke to us
guest111:  earning a living
ChaimAmalek:  There’s that drained look

About Luke Ford

I've written five books (see Amazon.com). My work has been covered in the New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, and on 60 Minutes. I teach Alexander Technique in Beverly Hills (Alexander90210.com).
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