I’m Working Out On My Cam!

You don’t want to miss this.

The cognitive elite are in my chat room, including the mighty Chaim Amalek.

Jane: i broke up with the guy i was dating this week
YourMoralLeader:  oh no, was it over me and my am?
YourMoralLeader:  cam?
YourMoralLeader:  I guess you’re all mine now
YourMoralLeader:  we got a woman in here, chaim
AMALEK:  A live woman?
AMALEK:  I’ve heard of etrannies – men who enter chat rooms pretending to be chix
AMALEK:  I myself once dated a woman
AMALEK:  But she did not like my body on account of my weight
AMALEK:  You see, I am a man in full
AMALEK:  Hello nicolletista
guest8:  i like hermaphrodites
nicolletista:  is this THE chaim amalek?
AMALEK:  Well, are there others?
AMALEK:  I’m the man the other Amalekites want to be
nicolletista:  wasn’t sure without the chaim part
nicolletista:  but i’ve always been a fan
YourMoralLeader:  THE
AMALEK:  Are you enough of a fan to want to have relations with a 300 pound man?
nicolletista:  and hadn’t seen luke mention you in ages
nicolletista:  of course i’m not
AMALEK:  Luke hides me.
AMALEK:  He is ashamed to know me
watchingyoublog:  good night y’all
YourMoralLeader:  You have not given me any free content in a long time
AMALEK:  He fears the rabbis will turn on him for harboring Amalek in his circule
YourMoralLeader:  gnight
watchingyoublog:  i will keep you in suspense about what my sleep medicine of choice will be
AMALEK:  I need motivation to do that.
nicolletista:  the rabbis didn’t turn on him b/c of you
guest9:  aloha
AMALEK:  How do you know of this treif place, ncollletisa
nicolletista:  hey who doesn’t love treif
AMALEK:  Are you Jewish?  Or are you from Luke’s "other" world?
nicolletista:  i don’t remember how i found out about luke
nicolletista:  yes jewish
User guest9 left the room.
nicolletista:  not porn
AMALEK:  Have you been to the hovel?
nicolletista:  porn stuffis really not interesting
User guest10 left the room.
guest11:  hi all
YourMoralLeader:  hi
nicolletista:  with the wencam i feel that luke is my roommate
AMALEK:  It is as interesting as watching raccoons rummage through the garbage in central park
nicolletista:  luke is your cam off right now?
AMALEK:  It is on
YourMoralLeader:  sound off
nicolletista:  yes it is and for the same reason
nicolletista:  not working for me
AMALEK:  Actually, I’d rather watch a dog chase a squirrel than watch porn
nicolletista:  let me refresh
YourMoralLeader:  This is truly the place where the cognitive elite meet
AMALEK:  Are you in LA?
nicolletista:  no
nicolletista:  minneapolis, minn
User nicolletista left the room.
AMALEK:  see…..
guest11:  what makes your so moral
guest11:  moral leader
YourMoralLeader:  I’m going to be working out in a few minutes
YourMoralLeader:  you don’t want to miss this
YourMoralLeader:  it’s my aura
AMALEK:  I wish Holly were there by your side
AMALEK:  mopping your brow
nicolletista:  ah, fresh faced as usual lke
guest11:  workin out on about 50 beers
AMALEK:  tidying up
guest11:  ha ha
AMALEK:  doing wifey stuff
nicolletista:  amalek you’re on uws correct?
AMALEK:  I can’t be the only one here who thinks Luke should have made a huge play for her
AMALEK:  She’d have solved just about all of htis problems
nicolletista:  i assumed he did!
guest12:  Amalek! I missed him before, and your Mom…just don’t let me miss Nicholas, or I’ll be so mad.
User guest11 left the room.
AMALEK:  Heck, I would marry Holly right now if she would but have me.  But she told me I’m too heavy and distinguished for her, and too square.
YourMoralLeader:  nin
AMALEK:  "Holly, will you marry me?"  Someone get this proposal to her.
AMALEK:  I’d be good for her.
anais:  that would be right
anais:  you read her?
YourMoralLeader:  r u guys ready to see me work out?
AMALEK:  No booze, no lectures on religion, and I’d provide her with a mission in life
YourMoralLeader:  a bit
AMALEK:  Hold on, I need to place my modesty shield over half the screen
nicolletista:  oh yeah it’s like feeding time at the zoo
anais:  not bad.. for a man
nicolletista:  i better go wake up my niece
AMALEK:  I love these sound effects
AMALEK:  It’ s like watching an old old episode of the Outer Limits
User guest2 left the room.
AMALEK:  "In the furthest reaches of the blogosphere, man toils against the entropy of broken dreams"
guest12:  What kind of mission, Amalek?
AMALEK:  The mission every woman secretly pines for – to make her man happy
AMALEK:  This is the apotheosis of woman.
AMALEK:  That, and raising the kids
guest12:  Because that makes us both happy, right?
AMALEK:  With me it would
AMALEK:  I have a value above rubies
User guest14 entered the room.
AMALEK:  Holly would be a complete woman with me at her side
AMALEK:  And her father would enjoy my company, too
User guest8 left the room.
AMALEK:  We could discuss the negro situation in s africa
AMALEK:  And where the White Man blew it.
User guest15 entered the room.
AMALEK:  With her Mom, the topic of discussion could be the latest advances in lenses.
User guest14 left the room.
User guest15 left the room.
AMALEK:  I would spend my days studying, filling my working wife with both pride and semen

nicolletista:  luke definitely thinks his semen is more moral than yours, chaim
nicolletista:  and yet
AMALEK:  I wish I were as svelte as Luke
nicolletista:  you willingly go restraint shopping with him
guest12:  that’s not how you lift weights!
AMALEK:  Bad workout form, Luke.  You need to do those slower
AMALEK:  slow, even lifts.
AMALEK:  He’s humping the door jamn!
AMALEK:  WOWW – the extra "W" is for extra "WOWW"
anais:  WOW the coughing doesn’t look good..r u sick?
AMALEK:  What are those – three pound weights?
User MoralDilemmas entered the room.
AMALEK:  Jiminy Cricket,
guest12:  The weights are too small and you’re bouncing them.
AMALEK:  I’m not ashamed to say that this is making me hard
AMALEK:  Hard on myself for being here
guest12:  That’s because you’re easy.
AMALEK:  Seriously, I am willing to have sex with almost any woman who will pay me for it
AMALEK:  SLOWER
nicolletista:  i know it makes the submissive chicken seem like watching ionesco
AMALEK:  WOW ten pounders!
guest12:  Should’t Anais Nin have something to say by now?
AMALEK:  yeah baby, thyat’s right
AMALEK:  bend deeply
anais:  ws given no choce but to be entertaines by the silence
AMALEK:  I want to see him put on teffilim
anais:  choice
AMALEK:  HOLLY YOU MUST MARRY ME!
AMALEK:  How many square feet do you think that apartment is?
guest12:  Maybe Luke is waiting for a dowry, A. You can give him one.
AMALEK:  He and I are competing for the same woman.
MoralDilemmas:  Kinda reminds me of the ‘poodle exercises’ on youtube…
AMALEK:  Luke, either lift heavier weights, or oh heck, why am I even addressing that
AMALEK:  I used to tell luke to turn this into reality tv
guest12:  Those are old man stretches
AMALEK:  Now I’m getting all hardagain
anais:  who’s going to be the shepard to lead this poor boy home
AMALEK:  Luke should be living in Boca
AMALEK:  This cam is not good for the Jews.
AMALEK:  Therecould be terrorists watching this to build up the courage to attack saying "See?  This is what the Jew is really like"
User guest10 entered the room.
AMALEK:  What’s in thatbox, LUke?
guest12:  Please, someone move the cam
nicolletista:  good night
User nicolletista left the room.
guest10:  wtf
AMALEK:  I thought I saw a human arm
AMALEK:  I say you should become a drug mule
User MoralDilemmas left the room.
guest10:  give up the beer man its easier
guest12:  Right THERE??? Where is Mom?
guest10:  never too late i guess
AMALEK:  Australia
YourMoralLeader:  What do you guys think?
AMALEK:  Which drugs are you on these days?
YourMoralLeader:  a bit of lith now and then, wellbutrin every morn, clonidine at night
guest10:  hes on them kangarroo tracs
YourMoralLeader:  I think I threw my back out
YourMoralLeader:  worked out too hard
guest10:  trancs
guest10:  dont look soo serious man
User guest12 left the room.
AMALEK:  What is clonidine for?
AMALEK:  Isn’t that a muscle relaxant?
User guest16 entered the room.
guest10:  waitin for a fight i meant to finish last nite
User MoralDilemmas entered the room.
AMALEK:  Fire hazzard
guest10:  u got a flue or bad cke
AMALEK:  He needs a woman to take care of him
AMALEK:  Allmen do
guest10:  u a woman amalek?
AMALEK:  Yes
AMALEK:  All woman
guest10:  were all friends here
guest10:  were u frm? ama?
AMALEK:  Actually, "Amalek" stands for "A male k_ke"
AMALEK:  I am being transgressive
AMALEK:  I am a product of the 92nd Street Y and Zabars and the New School’s free lectures
guest10:  so ur f**ked up
AMALEK:  This is like being on a 1200 baud modem, circa 1987
AMALEK:  Wayne’s World
GROVER:  PIGS  AND COWS AND HORSES AND CHICKS AND HENS  AND ROOSTERS
AMALEK:  You should get a sustainable blog
User guest19 entered the room.
GROVER:  a whole farm 4  amalek
User guest19 left the room.
AMALEK:  This depresses me
GROVER:  drink up amalek
User AMALEK left the room.
User guest18 left the room.
MoralDilemmas:  Question Luke…in the past, you’ve angered people by ‘outing’ them  for their possibly embarrassing discretions, yet you protect Amalek’s anonymity. Why? Just curious.
AMALEK:  This is more depressing than trolling for dates on Craigslist
guest21:  omg
User guest21 left the room.
GROVER:  A Yank was in Canada and asked/ whats the quickest way to Toronto/ The Canadian said are you walking or driving/ the yank said i’m driving/ the Canadian said well thats the quickest  way
BuddyHolly:  Luke I like your web c but,you sure are  not much for words
YourMoralLeader:  Buddy, the reason people like my site is because I put my efforts into it and not chat
BuddyHolly:  I see. but I don’t understand..sorry

About Luke Ford

I've written five books (see Amazon.com). My work has been followed by the New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, and 60 Minutes. I teach Alexander Technique in Beverly Hills (Alexander90210.com).
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