The path of your Moral Leader is a narrow one. Daily I offer my readers a beam of clarity and hope in our ever decaying society. But friends, a blogger’s life is an impoverished one. For years I have subsisted only on my meager ad revenues, credit card cash advances, and occasional Seder dinners. Times are tough and my marketable skills are limited in a secular city like Los Angeles. What is a pious man to do?
In my youth, I am embarrassed to say, I once supported myself as a man-whore. It’s true. I would provide companionship for older, sophisticated women who craved the company of a young, virile boy toy. I would charm them with my witty chat, escort them to social events and yes, bang them. The temptation is strong for me to revert back to my wanton ways, but I resist. Daily I am bombarded by sleazy offers from my fans requesting me to perform unspeakable sexual acts.
So I ask you. In order for me to preserve my secondary virginity and continue to proudly wear my purity ring would you think less of me if I marketed a latex replica of myself for my fans? Is it wrong to
clone myself? Would you pay $49.99 plus shipping and handling for such an item? Would it diminish or increase your respect for me? Should I offer discounts to my female readers? Readers, I value your input.
I’ve been enjoying your commentaries and interludes with the Rabbs. Often I pull up your blog on my second monitor for some edu-tainment to get me through late night work. I’m glad to see that you both seem to be reading your materials prior to class.
With regard to a latex replica for fans, it might be a little over the top and I’m not sure if it would be Kashrut. However, I was thinking maybe something more like a rabbinic gnome figurine, and should the ladies desire to find a dual use for it, that would be on them. I hope you enjoy my prototype. Maybe it has a motion sensor that when you pass in front of it, it speaks in a deep voice, “Luke, I am your Moral Leader.”