How To Help Jews Marry Jews

I applaud these ideas. I want to marry a Jew. I might need a little help.

Rabbi Asher Lopatin writes:

2)If you are married, invite singles over to your home for Shabbat dinner or lunch. Many homes are just not used to inviting people they don’t know, but this is an critical way for Jews to meet other Jews, and especially to meet their bashert, their intended. We know of several people who have met at dinners we have had in our home, where we just had people over and they did the rest of the work themselves, and I just heard of another couple that met because someone else invited them. Yes, it might be uncomfortable to invited strangers over; but if you really want to get Jews to marry Jews, it’s worth the effort. I would encourage rabbis to encourage this. If you are single, instead of waiting to get invited, make a simple Shabbat lunch or dinner on your own, and tell the rabbi or clergy in your shul that you are happy to have some people – or just invite some singles that you know casually who may be looking for a place for lunch. It’s not the food, it’s Jews getting together with Jews.

3) At kiddush, take a moment to look for someone who is on their own, not talking to anyone, and introduce yourself to that person. The conversation at a minimum will boost that person’s confidence that they are not invisible, but it may lead to a connection that will lead to a shidduch. This stuff happens, but only when we make it happen.

4)Finally, and this is hard, but it’s the truth, the only way to really get a handle on Jews marrying Jews is by making aliya. We need to encourage all our young people to get to Israel, for a summer, for a year, and preferably as a permanent decision. True, there are issues of intermarriage in Israel as well, but at least you have a society where everyone is doing Chanuka, Pesach, Yom Kippur, even 85% observing Tisha B’av in some way. In Israel the civic culture is Jewish, so it is totally different than American where the civic culture is Christmas, Halloween – Christian. Long term, I am worried that Judaism cannot survive as a minority culture in a society where we are welcome to marry the Clintons and the Gores.

About Luke Ford

I've written five books (see My work has been covered in the New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, and on 60 Minutes. I teach Alexander Technique in Beverly Hills (
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