Rabbi Hershel Rabbs Remer asks if I’m so funny why am I not getting laid?

I believe the rabbi employs faulty logic. His question is akin to — I love my mother, why am I not getting laid? Or, if I’m so horny, why am I not getting laid? Or, if I’m so good at electrical engineering, why am I not getting laid?

Comics get laid as much as electrical engineers.

The one art that moves women to want to give up the booty is music because music has more immediate impact on the emotions than any other art. Women are ruled by their emotions.

Anyway, the rabbi does not need to get laid because he has a heter from a major rav to masturbate.

Oy, I prefer to not think about my Torah partner in such a light.

Alicia Smith comments on FB: “If you are funny as in you have a great sense of humor and can get a gal laugh then that means that you are smart. Truly funny people are also truly smart. A smart man knows how to get a woman in bed. If you are taking off your clothes and women are pointing and laughing then….well then….”

Ben posts: It might be because you are waiting till you are married. The only way I can think to get passed this is to move to Reno and marry a women, get laid and then divorce her in the same day.

Rabbi Rabbs posts: I once discussed with my rabbi the concept of me temporarily marrying women at like 20 knowing that they would later insist on kids, and then divorcing them at like 25 or 30 when she was ready to be a mom. I’d give her a get, and marry anot…her one, and just keep doing that.

He hated that idea because none of those “marriages” according to Torah would be real. My FB wife mentioned that temporary marriages exist in Islam. Score one point for the Muslims.

Malkiel posts: This whole discussion is hillul Hashem. It is highly inappropriate for a “rabbi” to ask people why he is not “getting laid”. Torah calls a Jewish marriage ceremony “Kiddushin” which comes from Hebrew word “kadosh” “holy”. G-d in the Torah i…s very specific that there be no prostitutes among daughters of Israel. Prostitutes and prostitution marriage may be fine for shiites but we are Bene Yisrael. If a Jew wants to have sex, get married. But I doubt that an Ashet Hail would want to get married just for sex.

Even a prostitute G-d called “kadesha” which translates as “holy one”. G-d was clearly sacrastic here but it tells you what a Jewish Lady must be – “kadesha” “holy one”. Not a prostitute. Every Erev Shabbat we read about Eshet Hail. That is a Jewish Lady, a Lady of Valor. We don’t read about “getting laid”. Set your priorities straight, Am Yisrael.

Rabbi Rabbs posts: Actually, what I write is a Kiddush Hashem. I show the world that frum people, even rabbis, are only human, and we have desires and needs just like everyone else. I am not one of those pretentious, self-righteous, too froom for the room types that puts themselves on a pedestal and pretends to be holier than thou, G-d forbid.

LUKE SAYS: It’s not the honesty that gets us in trouble, Rabbi. I am the king of oversharing. Nobody objects to the honest expression of our hearts. It is the context that is king. Most frum Jews don’t believe that such discussions should take place in a public forum such as FB.

A famous writer once responded to another writer who justified a piece of work by saying, “At least I was honest,” by saying, “A dog humping your leg is also honest.”

Now, if you abided by the discretion promoted by most frum Jews, we wouldn’t have much of a Monday night show. I’m not seeking for you to change, but just pointing out it is not the honesty that gets us in trouble so much as the context.

I am just me, Rabbi Rabbs, and I needs to get laid, and I am not better than anyone else. And because I have the guts to be honest and say the truth, that is why many people dig me, and that’s what attacts them to Torah. However, other people hate me for that fact because they aren’t ready for someone that is honest.

RABBI RABBS POSTS: Levi, thanks for elaborating. So then switch “honest” to “open”, and it comes out the same way in the wash. Rabbs is extremely open, and Jews can’t handle Rabbs probably out of jealousy because they lack the courage to be so open themselves….

The dog comparison doesn’t work, though, because I didn’t go onto other peoples’ walls and post my question. Instead, I posted it on my own wall. So, that would be tantamount to a dog licking his own balls in the corner of the room, and some yenta getting all pissed off about it instead of just ignoring it or looking the other way.

About Luke Ford

I've written five books (see Amazon.com). My work has been followed by the New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, and 60 Minutes. I teach Alexander Technique in Beverly Hills (Alexander90210.com).
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