Sex Under False Pretenses

Here’s a hilarious story from Israel: “A Palestinian man has been convicted of rape by deception after having consensual sex with a woman who had believed him to be a fellow Jew.”

Oy, what will the goyim think?

Oy, did I ever get things from women under false pretenses? Did I pretend to be Orthodox prior to completing my Orthodox conversion?

I don’t think I want to answer these questions.

Prior to 2009, most people in my life assumed I had already completed my Orthodox conversion because, for all intents and purposes, I lived as an Orthodox Jew.

Now, according to some rabbinic commentators such as the Meiri, I was already Jewish prior to my 2009 Orthodox conversion because I was committed to living by Jewish law and I had been immersed in a mikveh (in my 1993 Reform conversion).

I remember this one woman I’d been with was not happy when she learned that during our time together, I had not been converted by an Orthodox beit din. She had assumed that I had been because she’d met me in an Orthodox shul where I looked like one of the gang.

From Failed Messiah:

Bassy the Haredi Slayer posts: Sex under false pretenses can be rape in most localities.

In the LA area it is common to hear about arrest of people who had consensual sex with girls who were promised a role in a movie/production or something like that in exchange to sex.

Maybe rav Luke Ford can elaborate on it.

EFFIE POSTS: Are you pulling our leg, Bassy? Common to hear these stories but no arrests otherwise, most production in LA would come to a halt.

However, in LA men have been arrested for rape under false pretenses. The facts are more egregious. They usually involve a man posing as a shaman. The women are grief stricken over a fiancé or husband who has died and they never consent to have sex with the fake shaman.

ITCHIE POSTS: “I believe this was the correct ruling. Interestingly, there are halachic ramifications for this woman, such as she is henceforth not allowed to enter into a relationship with a Kohen.”

Jay posts: “If every man , or woman, who had sex under false pretenses was arrested- there’d be hardly anyone left on the street. What’s next? Imprisoning a woman for faking an orgasm? Imprisoning her for lying about loving a man? Convicting a man for lying about his profession or income?”

Chaim posts: “How serious a relationship could she have expected if they were having sex in some random building shortly after meeting?”

Post: Where:
In a 100% Christian village in the West Bank.

What Happened:
Mohammedan [Moslem] pogrom against this village.


Christian man had sex with a Moslem women

I remember that Kach [Rav Kahane] handed out flyers telling Jewish women, visitors/tourists to to inspect the Tohodat Zehot [Identity Card] when they meet men.

In most of the Islamic world it is a crime for a Christian man to have sex with a Moslem woman.

Post: Man lies to get sex?
Yep. That’s world-shattering international news.

Justin posts on FB: “I once told a girl i was in med school and that i had a house on the water in Montauk just to get a piece of that ass. I also told a girl that i’m looking to settle down and be serious just for a piece of that pie. I’d be doing life in prison if the law worked that way. I should be in jail too!”

An Orthodox rabbi tells me: “A bit extreme, but what if he was Jewish and said he was single and turned out to be married – i think he should have gotten the same punishment.”

LUKE SAYS: I love this story for many reasons. I think it illuminates important issues while entertaining.

One. In the pick-up artist community, they say that most women have an anti-slut defense that kicks in if they ever have sex with a guy after knowing him for less than four hours. Such sex is fool’s mate because in all likelihood it will never happen again. If a woman quickly has sex with a guy upon meeting, she’ll berate herself for being a slut and regret the sex. She’ll look for ways to excuse it.

Two. Even when sex is engaged in casually, it can have serious repercussions. No matter how much we want to have sex as a sport, it will often get complicated. A man may just want a fling but often the woman will want to hold on to him and she’ll go psycho if he pulls away. She might start a blog and berate him for being a lousy lover. She might get him fired from his job and banned from his shul. Not that I know about any of this from first-hand experience.

Three. If you ever burn someone by getting something under false pretenses, people will often react badly. Sometimes they will pursue legal remedies. Other times they will go outside the law to ruin your life.

Thus, it is best to live your life on the straight and narrow. You’re less likely to end up as a laughing stock.

Four. No man would ever launch a frivolous complaint like this. Men are more likely, I think, to take responsibility for their actions.

Five. I don’t have much sympathy for either character in this story. You have quickie sex with a stranger. What do you expect?

I have the least empathy for the woman in this story. Filing a criminal complaint over this? Oy vey!

About Luke Ford

I've written five books (see My work has been noted in the New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, and 60 Minutes. I teach Alexander Technique in Beverly Hills (
This entry was posted in Personal, Sex and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.