Torah Talk With Joey Kurtzman

This week’s Torah portion is Deuteronomy.

Joey and I started Torah talk in August of 2008, the same month I took my first Alexander Technique lesson.

Luke: “You were recently on a spiritual journey to India?”

Joey: “My wife and I had just agreed to get divorced. One guy said to me, ‘India? You just got divorced. You should go to Brazil.’ He probably had a point.

“It was avodah zora (idol worship) non-stop. I started with a group of Catholics in India and did some of the worst avodah zora. I went to a Catholic compound in the jungle outside Mumbai. I spent a week there, some of the worst avodah zora a young Jew has done.

“I didn’t get the wafer because I didn’t deserve it. I attended mass. I did kinda a confession.”

Luke: “That must’ve taken a long time.”

Joey: “I had a lot to get off my chest.

“Also, the songs. The songs were begging Jesus to bathe us in his blood. I’d never seen this kind of hardcore… I was begging strangers. You get on your knees and you beg strangers for forgiveness.

“I did 24 days of silent meditation.”

Luke: “I can see you’ve totally changed.”

Joey: “Probably the wrong time to do it. I spent the whole time thinking evil thoughts of my ex-wife, which she didn’t deserve.

“I went to a mountain where they worship fire. If you want to worship idols, India is as good as it gets.”

For health reasons, Joey has a Diet 7-Up, cherry-flavored with antioxidants.

Joey: “The Catholics in India were philo-semitic. I remember listening to one of the preachers talk about his visit to Israel, how the people were wonderful and the Arabs were rotten.”

Luke: “It’s always great to be alone when you are miserable.”

“Here, open your drink. Let me hold your Torah so it doesn’t get covered with cherry-flavored Diet 7Up with antioxidants.”

Joey: “I’ve traveled a lot in my life. I don’t think traveling really changes you.”

About Luke Ford

I've written five books (see Amazon.com). My work has been followed by the New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, and 60 Minutes. I teach Alexander Technique in Beverly Hills (Alexander90210.com).
This entry was posted in Joey Kurtzman, Torah and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.