WASHINGTON—In the midst of a fiercely competitive race to be America’s top Republican-Jewish blogger, an increasingly depressed Luke Ford shocked Orthodox insiders Monday when he released a new national attack ad targeting himself.
The ad, which is scheduled to air across the country this week on video sharing services such as youtube, features an unshaven and visibly crestfallen Ford taking himself to task on a number of key issues, including narcissism, teeth grinding, lashon hara, the validity of Orthodox conversion, his respect for the sanctity of the synagogue, and "what’s the use of even trying anymore?"
"Luke Ford says he wants to be Your Moral Leader. He says he’s embodies Orthodox Judaism," begins the self-destructive television spot, narrated by Ford himself. "But from 1997-2007, he made most of his income from blogging about the porn industry. On numerous occasions he promised his rabbis he was quitting and then he went back on his word. He betrayed Dennis Prager and he uses his blog to insult his community’s holiest members. And do you know why he does that? Because he’s a big fat disappointment, that’s why."
"Ugh," the television spot continues. "I’d go back to bed if only I had a bed…"
The ad goes on to list many of Ford’s alleged failures as a Jew in bold white text scrolling over a black background, set to the sound of soft weeping.
Running 60 seconds, including 15 full seconds of long, world-weary sighs, Ford’s latest ad is reportedly his most ruthless. Blasting himself for a wide range of moral shortcomings, from onanism to being unable to remember the last time he put on tefillin, the blogger is said to hold nothing back.
"Strength, commitment, hope for a brighter future—you’re looking at the wrong goddamn guy," asserts the television spot, as a still, unflattering image of Ford is struck with a large red "PATHETIC" stamp-graphic. "Do you know what I did yesterday? No, not blog. I ate a gallon of non-kosher ice cream. That’s right, the whole damn thing."
"Is this who you want running your life for the next four years?" asks the damaging spot. "Someone who can’t even run a simple microwave without crying?"
In addition to verbal jabs, Ford’s ad uses several visual aids to call his character into question. Numerous ex-girlfriends say Ford cheated on them. Moments before the ad’s conclusion, an onscreen chart helps viewers tally the number of times the Orthodox candidate has lain awake at night reliving past humiliations, while a 3-D computer model illustrates just how low Ford has reportedly sunk as a "relentless failure" in the past month.
Video footage from a recent meeting of the blogger with the RCC Beit Din is also shown, though much of its audio is drowned out by Ford, who criticizes himself throughout, saying, "Nice answer, jerk," and "God, you really don’t know what the hell you’re doing, do you?"
"I’m Luke Ford," the television spot concludes. "And sadly, I approve this message."
Though early reaction to the attack ad has been negative, with many calling it unfair and even senseless, Ford has thus far stood his ground, claiming that the Jewish people deserve to hear the truth.
"The men and women of this great nation have a right to know what’s really going on out there," Ford announced as he stood behind a series of campaign posters bearing his new campaign slogan, "Anyone Else," late Monday afternoon. "If that means telling them that sometimes I lack the strength to change my clothes for three, even four straight days, then so be it."
According to MSNBC chief Jewish analyst Barbara Schleisser, Ford’s self-directed smear campaign is likely to hurt his chances with the ladies.
"In today’s well-informed society, attack ads rarely work and often do more damage to the person running them than his or her target," Schleisser said. "Then again, you can only hear someone call himself a worthless sack of shit so many times before you start believing it."
