Men, Women And Competition

On Dennis Prager’s radio show yesterday, relationship expert Alison Armstrong says: “Sports is one of my most favorite place to watch men. One of the things about men that women don’t know is that you are always about winning. A hundred percent of the time, men are winning at something. If you look and ask, what is he winning at now? Then you can be in sync with a man.

“Because men are all about winning, you have developed a more powerful relationship with failure than women have. To women, failure is the f-word. They don’t want fail at anything. They can’t ever say they’ve failed at something. If you want to see a group of women petrified, say, ‘You’ve failed.’

“I remember watching the Olympics in a downhill race and this man who was favored didn’t win. And he said, I didn’t ski as well as I needed to. The other guy skied better. The end.

“And he’ll go back to his cave and gather himself together and come back fine.

“In the woman’s slalom, and the woman who was favored to win didn’t win, and she said, ‘Well, it was icy out there and I don’t think my edges were waxed right…’ She couldn’t say that she failed.”

Dennis: “I have an older brother. Six years older. I was almost 13 when he left home for college. Until then, everything that occurred in the home, including cleaning the table, who can do it faster, was competition.

“On the Sabbath, in my home we would sing Sabbath melodies at the table. We’d have a competition to see who could sing faster without missing one word in Hebrew. We had a stopwatch and we’d time it.

“There was no area of life where there wasn’t competition. And if you lost, you weren’t crushed.”

Alison: “Women suppress competition because we survive by connection. When we’re connected, we feel safe. Competition interrupts connection. So competition is terrifying to women. They think that men being competitive is just childish and they should get over it. But hello, survival is competitive. Second place means death.

“Men only put their energy where they think they can win…. If we set you up to win with us, we’ll get your best.”

Dennis: “The only area where we don’t like to be defeated is when we want to have sex with our wives.”

Alison: “You’re crushed. The more you care about a woman, the more her no really hurts. Ladies, it is not just his feelings. Men get connected through sex. They get grounded through sex. They get related through sex. They get back in partnership.”

“Women compete for men. They compete with each other for status. They compete on how well is our body doing compared with other women.

“When a woman is in a competitive mode, she is a man in a skirt. She’s masculine. She’s in survival. It’s all about fear. And she will be more ruthless in her competition than most men will ever be. She’s not moderated by honor or duty or team or obligation. She will be cutthroat.”

About Luke Ford

I've written five books (see My work has been covered in the New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, and on 60 Minutes. I teach Alexander Technique in Beverly Hills (
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