Live Torah Talk With Rabbi Rabbs

I’m studying this week’s Torah portion — Balak with Rabbi Rabbs.

I wonder if I would’ve participated in the cult of Baal-peor for my fair share of those hot Midianite women. I know you think I’m so holy, but I’m only flesh and blood. I have many of the same impulses that you do, only mine are bigger.

Oy, if I had too been stuck in a place called Shittim, who knows what would’ve happened.

I wonder if AIDS could’ve been stopped by 1979 if somebody had followed Pinchas’s example and driven a spear through that Canadian flight attendant and one of his early partners.

Jodi, who I went to 6-8th grade with at PUC Elementary School, posts to my Facebook: “What is all that?????All i remember was when we were in school you ate ants off the window Lol”

Khunrum emails: “Gents, Have you seen Rabbi Rabbs on Luke’s Spy Cam waving his arms around like he’s conducting the Jerusalem Symphony? Luke, you don’t seem to have any chips n’ dip for your guest. However I understand that if you fed him he might not leave. And how about inviting Rabbi Muskin by for a chat? I saw a spot on the BBC that indicated those young lads who constantly study Torah, day in day out, do not develop life skills that would allow them to find gainful employment. Are you listening buddy?”

“You boys need to tune in. It’s a riot. The Rabbi swings his arms around bellowing like Long John Silver on amphetamines whilst a rather subdued Luke sits there with a glum look which seems to say “I wish this bloke would shut the #$@% up and go home so I can take a nap”.”

About Luke Ford

I've written five books (see My work has been followed by the New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, and 60 Minutes. I teach Alexander Technique in Beverly Hills (
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