Here are the final few minutes of my interview with this Orthodox rabbi and stand-up comic:
7 p.m. We walk east on Airdrome St.
Rabbi: “I’ve realized that no matter how funny I am, it doesn’t solve the problem. The other part that’s depressing is that I can’t take it to the next level. That’s because I can’t get my own TV show. And that’s because Jews run Hollywood. What kind of Jews? Ashkenazi Jews from America. They run Hollywood. They don’t get me. They’re embarrassed by me. And they will never let me have my own show.
“I can’t make a ton of money from comedy. If Catholics ran Hollywood, I’d have my own TV show. They wouldn’t give shows to [people like] Conan O’Brian. They’d give it to me because they love me because they think I’m funny. But they don’t because they don’t have power. There’s too many Jews in decision-making positions in Hollywood who have stymied my career. They’ve cut my legs out from under me. I’m blackballed because there are Jews at every network. They’re never going to give me a show.
“That’s depressing. But at least I’ve found it. I had to find out what would happen if I got into comedy. Now I know. Nothing will come from it. I won’t get a career from it unless someone can come up with a way.”
“Most people who are in my life met me through MySpace.”
Luke: “What things in common have all the women you’ve ever loved had?”
Rabbi: “I’m going to get into trouble now. They’re all misfits.”
“I tend to attract women who are into the Grateful Dead. They’re hippie chicks. They tend to be into extreme age differences. They’ll tell me that they don’t wear underwear.”
Luke: “A lot of women say that to rabbis.”
Rabbi: “I’ll hear that they’ve had lesbian experiences or want to have lesbian experiences. These are the kind of women who are attracted to me. I call them the Grateful Dead chicks, they love Rabbs, I’m a magnet for them, but they won’t go the distance. They will not marry me. They like me but they will never commit to marrying me. So they’re useless. Why would I want to waste my time with them?
“One of the things I used to do was weed them out. If a woman came on to me, I’d ask, what kind of music do you like? If she said the Grateful Dead, I said that’s not good.
“When I met my fiance, early on, I asked her, ‘Do you like the Grateful Dead?’ She said no. Thank God. That’s why I thought we were going to go the distance. But it wasn’t meant to be. Her mom killed the whole thing.”
Luke: “How can that be? Why doesn’t everyone love Rabbi Rabbs?”
