Going Topless

Greg Gutfeld writes:

While the American public stupidly focused on the New Hampshire primaries, another, more important election was going on. Following a campaign by feminists, women can now bathe topless in a swimming pool in northern Sweden. Now, I’ve never been much of a feminist – I only burned my bra once, and that was because of lice. But this is one of those miraculous occasions where the needs of feminists, lesbians and peepers like myself collide – making this the kind of equal rights I can get behind, even if it means crouching behind a bush holding binoculars.

But this mammary victory illustrates a greater point – that most feminism is a ruse pulled on women by men who simply want to see more of them naked and have sex without commitment. We also want the option of staying home watching DVDs while she goes off to work, probably in a suit with large shoulder pads. The fact is, the women’s movement – which allowed for women to have sex as often as their horny male counterparts – helped guys more. And for smart men – marching alongside feminists guaranteed sex. The only downside is it was with women who look like Amy Carter.

But that’s Sweden. And it’s time for our feminists to tackle the same problem here, and take to the public pools and water theme parks and demand their right to go full frontal. Swimsuits are male oppression, women, and if you believe in equal rights – then dammit – you should show it by stripping off right now. And possibly take a photo and send it to me. I will do my best to further the cause by showing them to my friends.