Chaim Amalek writes:
Amalek tells Luke HOW to make this a great year, but will he listen?
Face it, Luke: your brand is the porn business. It is what brought you such fame as you have, and it is what paid your bills. In the tiny dirty pond that you flopped around in, you got to rub elbows with your intellectual inferiors and rub other body parts with the likes of Holly Randall. Removed from that world, you are like a lone lump of coal, quickly growning cold.
Consider this comment on your blog (do you know who posted it?):
"I am not sure if you have looked in the mirror recently, but you are becoming increasingly disheveled and obese – it’s alarming. The protruding double chin and sickly/tired appearance should be a wakeup call to change your life now before it is too late. Instead, you spend your New Year’s Eve – largely abandoned – blogging in a dimly light “hovel” shamelessly shilling Lasik and cheap airline tickets – a duty normally left to spam – in a meager attempt to improve your flagging fortune. Believe or not, this is even sadder than being a hated porn gossip columnist.
"Since you are a college dropout with neither the financial resources nor the work ethic to ever complete your degree, I suggest you get a gym membership and a part-time job somewhere so that the authorities do not find your homeless and aged/bloated corpse on the sidewalk in the near future."
I’ve not seen you in a while so cannot judge the truth – are you disheveled and have you been gaining weight? Some of the things you post have an air of desperation about them, a last-minute attempt to make an extra $20/day by trying to emulate spammers. This is not working out for you. I say you ditch the orthodox rabbis and instead of being the weird suspected "ger" who really isn’t a Jew but who is into porn and who keeps trying to infiltrate the black hats, you become the somewhat excessively religious guy who prays with the reform or even conservative Jews of LA. That would be a much, much better fit for you in many many ways. You would be viewed as religious, meet more rational people, people with money and connections and better skin, and you would get to earn a living doing what you like and what you are good at, and how many of us get to do that?
If this obese old Jew may be so bold as to speak for the All-Mighty, God does not want you there among the orthodox. He may want you to write about them, to socialize with them, and to perhaps even think of yourself as one of them, but communally, God wants you to be a different kind of Jew.
Otherwise, just what is the point of what you are doing? 40 becomes 50 becomes 60 becomes dead before you know it. What will you have to show for your time on earth – a stain on the hovel floor when the paramedics come to peel off your remains?
Khunrum emails:
Luke I must agree with Amalek here. We don’t want to put you down dear friend but the sad fact is LukeFord.net is a snoozefest. The content is all over the map. News of some scandal ridden, fallen Rabbi who diddled his students combined with pics of D list celebs or pathetic has beens like Mamie Van Doren. To quote Dan Rather, "What’s the frequency Kenneth"?
Let us crunch the numbers. What is the population of Jews in the USA, 3%-4%?. And out of that tiny population how many will consider Luke.Net interesting? Very few I’d say. Most would find it as boring as the rest of us. On the other hand, the world is full of porn perverts. That’s your target audience. Go with Amalek’s advice and put your energies into what go you to the hovel in the first place.
Either that or run, don’t walk, to your library and study diligently for the Postal Service Exam. Think Health Care and Retirement Bennies.
If you guys were more spiritual, you’d have greater appreciation for LF.net.
When you have a donkey look into a blog, you can’t expect an angel to look out.
Chaim Amalek responds:
Sorry, but that comment makes no sense. What is going on here is that you are like a bug in amber, frozen in time, and unable to think about the doom that is fast approaching as the amber hardens.. You cannot improve your life on your own, and you no longer can talk women into devoting their energies into doing the needful for you. Sorry to be so blunt, but you have neither a Cathy Seipp nor a potential Asian Wife nor a Holly in your life, and with every dawn the chances of such appearing to rescue you ala John Wayne drops. What’s left – Jewish blogging, competing with 14 year old boys to snap photos of G-list celebs, cutting and pasting from other blogs. The sun is setting on the Luke Ford name, and even though you know this, you have not the will to change things.
There will be no intervention.
Khunrum writes: " Luke will garner the respect he craves from the Jewish Community when he pulls up to shul in a shiny new car (having just left his shiny new digs) walks inside, drops a hefty donation in the poor box and greets all in his new Armani suit (black of course). They’ll love you when you make the bucks my friend and you can do that best through porn.
"Luke, my wife’s sister who I wanted to match you up with has married a young man who was then drafted into the Thai Army and it now in the deep South of the country helping to quell the ongoing Moslem insurgency. You should have seized the moment, she’s quite cute."
Helpful writes:
What’s in it for her? Moving from a village in the Thai jungle to The Hovel (TM) is a lateral move at best.
Sorry to dog pile on you Luke, but they Rum and Chaim speak the truth.
Go back to porn with a vengence. Report it all and without apology. Maybe the LF brand has faded, but it can be resurrected.
Perhaps you should follow other male porners and set up a "talent agency" for young starlets. Mentor them in fellation and what not then turn ’em out. Maybe a return to your alleged gigilo roots via craigslist.com. Men your age still have a following in the 50+ set. Hell, how much can you get for a sperm donation? You could kill two birds that way easy cash (it’s just running down you shower drain now anyhow) and reproduce (albeit anonymously).
Move forward!
Lets face it. Dental school is out of the question.
The next best thing is a shiny new Lexus to impress the chicks at shul. Maybe you could give up The Hovel and lease a new car for about the same money? Living in a car would be considered an upgrade in most people’s book.
