I Love My Kaiser Permanente Health Plan

I’ve been with the folks at Kaiser for almost five years and I’ve only had good experiences. As a sensitive artist-type, I check in with them for every malady I suffer, real or imagined. Now that I’m 40, my premium is $300 a month. But it’s worth it. I went in on Tuesday and saw my nice Chinese doctor. I got my first prostate exam. Everything’s fine. After complaining about stabbing chest pains over the past few weeks, I got a chest x-ray and an EKG. It turns out my ticker is healthy. I got all the blood tests a boy could want and the whole experience only set me back a $35 co-pay. Allahu Akhbar. My cholesterol (215, it should be under 200, my LDL is 144 when it should be under 130, my HDL is 35 when it should be over 40) and Triglycerides (180 when they should be under 150) are high. On the liver function test ALT, I scored a 39, while I should be under 35. So I have to exercise more and eat less animal fat. I’m pleased with the services my government provides me. I walked into my library branch yesterday and at the front desk they had a sign, "Ask us about our books in Arabic." So I told the clerk, "I’ve signed up for jihad and I’d like to know where to get more information. Do you have a book in Arabic you can recommend? You won’t give my library info to George Bush, will you?" He just smiled.