LA County coastline included in the tsunami watch. pic.twitter.com/fMP77X01dy
— Los Angeles Alerts (@AlertLosAngeles) July 30, 2025
A tsunami is coming. Just once I’d like to be blindsided by something *pleasant*.
As the waters rise, I stand firm—not because I can stop them, but because dignity still matters.
The sovereign is he who decides the state of exception. The sea has spoken.
If this is my last tweet, please remember: I was mostly right and occasionally funny.
Tsunami’s coming. I’m not running. I was born for drama.
Tsunami incoming. I refuse to go viral posthumously for a bad tweet.
The tsunami can’t cancel me—I was already shadowbanned by God.
Tsunami en route. Finally, a deadline I respect.
As the sea roars, I whisper: “Still better than another DEI seminar.”
This tsunami better be kosher.
If you find my phone, clear my browser history, then say Kaddish.
God flooded the world once for corruption. This one’s probably for cringe.
I always wanted to make a splash. Just not like this.
The sea rises, but Hashem runs the world. If this is the end, it was always in His hands.
Even a tsunami can’t cancel my Shabbos plans. Let’s see it part the waters like Moshe.
Teshuvah, tefillah, and tzedakah avert the evil decree. But just in case—backing up my Torah files.
If the sea takes me, may it be with my tzitzit flying and Shema on my lips.
Hashem drowned Mitzrayim. Maybe this one’s for my enemies too.
I spent my life trying to deny death. Now it’s knocking, and I want to podcast through the flood.
Even now, I reach for heroism — not to survive, but to matter.
This tsunami isn’t death — it’s my latest symbolic defeat. And damn it, I want it to go viral.
I mocked the sacred. I dissected culture. But now I pray — because even the anthropologist kneels before the wave.
What would the great thinkers say at a time like this?
Stephen Turner (sociology of expertise):
So the tsunami’s coming — remind me, who certified this wave as legitimate? Where’s the credentialed authority on wall-of-water epistemology?
Ronny Guldmann (prophetic outsider tone):
A civilization that replaces sacred awe with bureaucratic narcissism deserves to drown. This wave is the judgment. I receive it with open arms and an ironic smirk.
Helen Andrews (reactionary realism, moral disillusionment):
You spend your life trying to live with grace in decline. Then the tsunami comes, and you realize — decline was the grace. This is just the ending we refused to plan for.
Darel E. Paul (elite critique):
I always knew coastal cosmopolitanism would end with a pink-haired influencer livestreaming her death in 4K. The elites brought the flood, and they’ll monetize the wreckage.
Clinton Rossiter (constitutional romanticism):
There are no clauses for this. No Federalist fallback. Only the hope that some American, somewhere, still believes in ordered liberty as the waters take him.
Carl Schmitt (state of exception maestro):
The wave is not chaos. It is decision. Every civilization has its flood. What matters now is not law, but the one who stands and says, “Here. No further.”
Richard Spencer (Alt-Right aestheticist):
The tsunami is sublime — a beautiful force beyond liberal containment. Let it wash away the vulgar. Every civilization ends, but not every end is this cinematic.
