I’ll never forget the day my therapist asked me, “What do you get out of being in an emotionally unsafe relationship?”
I’d never though of that. The question took me aback, but then I quickly answered, “It leaves me free to look. I’m not risking anything precious. I can talk to all the women I want and see if I can find someone better for me.
“If I walked around with a million dollar diamond entrusted to me and I also knew that it would be really easy to lose it, it could happen any moment, I’d feel tremendous anxiety. On the other hand, if you gave me a $1 diamond and told me I could lose it easily, I wouldn’t care so much.
“By not caring so much, I’m less vulnerable. I’m more safe in the emotionally unsafe relationship.
“But what if my girlfriend was a million dollar diamond? That would demand more from me. I’d have to kick things up a notch. And I’d walk around beaming. I’d be so proud. I’d be so careful of my million-dollar diamond. But a girlfriend worth only a dollar, I can be careless with her. I can be mediocre. I don’t have to take great care of her.”
