That’s one of sayings I hate most because it is so dishonest.
Everybody in every relationship deliberately does things to hurt the ones they love (and hate). You can’t love someone without having a host of other emotions as well, including hate.
If you hate someone, it does not mean you can’t love them.
I hear this saying from women a lot: “I would never deliberately do anything to hurt you.”
It’s a lie.
Women are masters at appearing all sweet while simultaneously sinking their daggers into your psyche.
Until we can each acknowledge how much hatred we have for the other, we can’t make any progress.
It’s the same in all relationships. It’s true of my closest relationships with rabbis. I hated them and I loved them.
I’m loving this book “Passionate Marriage” by David Schnarch. He writes: “Disparate desire is a playground for normal marital sadism.”
Have you ever heard of the term “Mercy f—“? It is usually the woman, who has the lower desire and thus enjoys the power in the sexual relationship, who says to the man, you can do me but I won’t enjoy it. You can use my body if it will get you off my back.
I only had this happen to me once. We got home from shul. I was all stirred up. She was not. She said I could do her but she wouldn’t be into it.
I did her. And afterward, I felt horrible.
Our relationship started as passionate for the first week, but over the next three months it turned increasingly sadistic until it ended with her hooking up with her ex and me running away crying.