I notice that converts (to a religion or to another hero system) often become disillusioned and then describe themselves as sad at discovering the flaws of their compatriots. It seems to rarely occur to converts that their primary source of sadness should be with themselves and their own willful denial of reality.
When I became excited about Judaism in the fall of 1989, it took me a while to meet actual Jews, but when I did, I became sad that they weren’t living up to Judaism. I rarely felt sad, however, at my own inability to live up to Judaism. It took me decades to feel sadness at my own needs to think that I had found a crowd in Orthodox Jews who transcended the human condition.
I was not happy with myself when I began my interest in Judaism. I wanted to throw much of myself away and merge with a greater whole. Over decades, however, I discovered I couldn’t throw myself away. It always went with me.
The morality of your group is going to approximate their average IQ. Empathy is a form of abstract thought and IQ measures your capacity for abstract thought.
Different groups have different gifts. Orthodox Jews, for example, rarely commit violent crime. They tend to have strong family lives, sexual discipline, and strong in-group identity. But these traits don’t automatically flow into one through conversion. There’s no hero system you can join that will automatically transform you.
On Sunday, English fighter Stephen J. James joined my show. His life has been crippled by ADHD but he has always refused to take ADHD medication. His condition has made a normal life impossible but by refusing to take ritalin or adderall as prescribed, he can tell himself, “At least I see through the bullshit. I don’t get to have normal joys, but at least I see through the bullshit.”
Many people in my audience don’t want him to take pills. Sick people will always want you to stay sick. “You’re one of us, don’t go thinking you can change” will be their anthem. The worst thing about being an emotional cripple is that only the crippled will want to hang out with you.
